The Quandry: God and Homosexuality

To Whom It May Concern,
The article pertaining to the devoted Christian was like reading about my ex-, who is still my dear friend. Although she, my friend is a devoted Catholic, it's good to know others who have experience this sort of frustrating dilemma. The constant battle over God and homosexuality is one I just could no longer battle with her. I made myself very clear to my Catholic friend, that I would not want to sacrifice my own sexuality because of some kind of sin in her eyes. I am the most patient person, and a good person; I never make the first move. And the idea that a women with such deep devoted beliefs can be with a lesbian, then turn around and tell me that she no longer considers herself a lesbian, is beyond me. I do agree that the hypocritical aspect is due to the sexual and emotional insecurities that people carry with them....in the face of denial. I have found that most of these people are holding a false sense of security...there are some battles that some will and cannot deal with emotionally, and because of there strong convictions, they lack a lot of human and animal behavioral experiences. I say, understanding the psychology and the reason for human behavior will do a lot more for our fears, than to depend on a god to TEACH us to fear! Thank you for the article. I feel so much more validated.

Vickie

And here's the original letter...

Dear Editor,
First let me say how much I enjoy Outlookpress.com! I have recently moved to Oklahoma from the San Diego area, and have found your website to be most enjoyable. (I love Animal Crackers, by the way.) It is quite an adjustment, having made such a drastic move, but so far I like Oklahoma and am settling in just fine.

Before my move, I ended a three-year relationship with a woman I'll call Susan. To end the relationship was an agonizing decision, but one that I feel had to be made. You see, Susan is a devout Christian whose mission in life was to save my soul from eternal damnation, and I became resentful of her refusal to let me be myself and appreciate me for who and what I am. I believe in God but have chosen to shy away from organized religions for personal reasons. I try to be a good person and I think that is what is important. We fought constantly about going to church, drinking coffee (I was half-asleep for most of those three years :-), and, needless to say, sexual issues. Susan wanted me, but she also wanted to please her God and her family, which would have included a husband and 2.5 children, and deciding which was most important to her consumed most of her energy, not to mention most of mine.

The problem, then, is that I would like to maintain a friendship with Susan but I cannot convince her that I am not headed straight for hell, or if I am, it is a path I am willingly following and is none of her business. It's hard to be mean to a woman who truly cares about me and only wants what she believes is best for me. So my question is: do you think it's possible for the two of us to maintain a friendship, or should I be closing the door completely? I would like for her to be a part of my new life, but I am unsure if there is ways to do this without some sort of compromise on my part. And I'm not willing to compromise my sexuality, for anyone or any reason. Can you help?

Sincerely,
VenSNV

Dear VenSNV,
Thank you for your letter! I am glad to hear that you like the website, we aim to please.

I can tell you that I relate totally to your dilemma, having been in a similar situation myself. In a nutshell, the answer to your question: is it possible for you two to be friends? Absolutely, if Susan wants it as much as you do. Like any relationship, it takes two to make it work. I think you have to be up front with her and tell her that her constant harassment is making you miserable and threatening your friendship. As a Christian Susan should learn to practice what she preaches. If she strongly believes that homosexuality is a sin, why was she in a three year relationship with a woman? Matthew 7:1-5 talks about judgement, that it is God's, not ours, and if we stand in judgement of others God will judge us in the same manner. I'm sure she will know the scripture, and also John 8:7. This scripture is about casting the first stone.

“...but at the end of the day, it is between you and God...He knows where your heart is!”

Any self-respecting Christian who truly believes God's word will surely step back and think, especially if quoted by someone they think is "eternally damned" as you put it. I am not suggesting that you try to out-smart her; merely open her eyes to the hypocrisy of what she is saying. Tell her that you know she is concerned about you, but at the end of the day it is between you and God, He knows where your heart is!

Another possible reason for her persistence could be her own insecurities about her sexuality. It is possible that she keeps trying to save your soul because she fears her own might be lost. This is a big issue for a lot of women who have trouble coming out because they have been raised to believe it is wrong and against God's will. Maybe she is looking for some confirmation from you?

I agree with you that you should not have to compromise your sexuality. You have to be true to yourself or you will never be happy. It may not always be an easy route but living a lie is much harder. If she has any kind of love for you she should not expect you to change, just love you the way you are…that is a definition of loving someone! You are not headed straight to hell. I have an interesting website for you: http://www.truluck.com/html/the_bible_and_homosexuality.html. I will put this site in the column for anyone else with similar questions.

I can understand how you feel though. I lost a love once because she couldn't deal with not knowing whether God would really forgive her if she stayed a lesbian. We are still very close friends but needless to say she didn't want to take the risk!

You have to take people the way they are or not at all. Good luck with Susan. I hope she listens to you. Let me know what happens if you have time, I would be interested to hear!