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Chapter 1
"All right, all right. The first
official meeting of 'Lesbians And their Pets' will now come
to order."
At that, Missy banged the dog bone down with finality. She was a cute little
thing; a Rat Terrier, sleek and trim. One wouldn't think she had much smarts
in that little head, but truth be told, she was a pretty sharp little cookie.
"Okay, we've got a lotta territory to cover, so everybody listen up," she
barked.
 "Why'd she get to be in charge?" Andy
whined? "I'm prettier. I heard Momma say so. 'Sides, who came up
with tha' stupid name 'Lesbians And their Pets'? They'll call
us LAP or sumthin'. I'm too pretty to be laughed at!"
Tommy hissed, "You ain't in charge, dust mop, 'cause you ain't got
a brain, that's why. Besides, I wanted 'Pets Under Strong Supervising Yuppies,' but
Your Highness wouldn't let me have it either. So shuddup!" Given that
Tommy was probably the fattest gray cat known to mankind and had very sharp
claws, Andy cowered. After all, he was just a baby Lhasa.
"Andy, shut up or else you'll have to go sit in the baby quarters. We ain't
got time  for this.
And Tommy, no hissing. As for your acronym, Fat Boy, we preferred something a
little less . . . adult for our name, for god's sake!" Missy
snapped.
Tommy muttered, "Oh, shut up you neurotic barkbag . . . " but
said no more.
"All right. We want to welcome our guests from the westside, Tyler and Grady," Missy
continued. "Since their mom's already went through this, I thought their
input might be helpful."
Tyler and Grady, two huge black Dobermans, nodded towards the group, but kept
a respectful distance. Wasn't that they didn't like everyone, but after all,
they were the big dogs here and god forbid should big dogs and little
dogs be seen mixing, let alone socializing and having fun!
"Everyone's here, correct?" asked Missy.
"Rylie can't come 'cause she jumped the fence again and is chasin' the neighbor's
new rabbit," Andy said.
"I'm afraid Tucker won't be making it tonight," Tyler chimed in. "He
still thinks he's got balls, so he's out cattin' around."
"Shhh!!! Don't mention testicles . . . " Andy yelled. "Oh,
great. Now you've done it!"
At that, Tommy began to frantically examine the lower half of his body. He
still hadn't recovered from losing his family jewels just a few months earlier.
Pathetic mewlings started coming from his direction.
"We'll just proceed without Tommy's input for the moment, folks. Now, the
matter at hand -- looks like we've gotta figure out how to deal with Momma coming
out of the closet. It's been a long time since we've had to worry about anything
so major, but this could really affect us. So, I think we need a game plan," Missy
stated.
Reno yawned. He was the elder pooch of the group, a regal black Chow, and as
far as he was concerned, who cared whether his mom was a lesbian? People didn't
like it, he'd just bite 'em. That is, if he could get to 'em in time. Being
old had its benefits; meant he didn't have to run as fast anymore.
"Well, if ya ask me," he yawned again. "Whattsa big deal? Just
means I got two mommas and as long as they feed me, I don't give a rat's butt.
Which reminds me . . . I'm hungry. Did they feed us yet?"
"Look, oh senile one. You ate an hour ago with the rest of us," Tommy
snapped. He was still in a pissy mood since Missy got onto him, and then they
just had to go and remind him he didn't have balls anymore. God!
"Yeah, but I didn't have dessert,
tubby . . . why don't you come here?" Reno snarled.
"Can we please get back to the matter at hand?" Missy screeched. "We
gotta figure out what to do here!"
 "Indeed," replied Smokey
Bear. The lithe, gray tiger-stripe was the group's eloquent elder statesman.
With a John Wayne walk and sharp-as-a-tack mind, Smokey added wisdom
and a balancing paw to the collective thought. "I do tend to agree
with Reno. It is of my humble opinion, that it should be no one's business
but our Momma's. Why humans get so upset over such a small detail, I
shall never understand."
"Well, Smokey, it can be a big deal." Standing tall, ears erect, Tyler
took his turn. "I mean, look at me. I'm a manly dog. I'm a dog's dog. Intelligent,
strong, charming, slick coat, good teeth..."
Andy snickered, "Yeah, ol' snaggle tooth himself," but quietly
hushed when Missy shot him a sharp look. Andy was referring to Tyler's
unfortunate loss of a canine tooth a few months earlier.
Harrumphing, Tyler continued. "As I was saying, I'm everything a
good Doberman would like to be. Yet, I, too have had to hide a part of
who I am for fear of ridicule." With that, his voice broke. The
group looked up in shock! Tyler never broke down like this. "I have
spent years hiding it; I've even blamed it on Grady so he'd get in trouble
and Mom wouldn't ever find out. But given our topic today, I'm setting
myself free. I'm telling the truth..."
Everyone leaned in, hanging on his every word.
With moist eyes, he stood proud, flexing every muscle in his lean, tight body.
A small sob escaped as he cleared his throat. He closed his eyes, raised his
head, then looked at them all and said, "I am not hiding it anymore. I
am the one chewing up Mom's clothes. I simply can't stand her bad fashion sense
anymore!"
They all gasped. Reno howled with glee!
"But . . ."
"How . . .?"
"You're so . . .butch!"
"Pussy boy!" yelled Reno.
Looking them all squarely in the eye, he said, "See, that's what I mean.
Ya'll were shocked; well, except Reno and he's just a hateful ol' fart who
can't remember his . . . well, nevermind. You'd expect a dog of my butch
stature to not really care much for fashion, right? More of a 'who cares what
she wears' kind of dog, correct? Well, I'm not. I like elegance . . . I love
fashion. Mom's clothes and fashion sense are, well, without being totally disloyal,
let's just say they're worse than any worm pill any of us could take!"
The group laughed uneasily. They were still shocked at Tyler's confession.
He was such an upstanding, dignified dog. He never did anything wrong. Chewing
clothes? Not Tyler!
"I can tell by your silence, you aren't quite sure how to respond. I've
known some of you for years and you've always known me to be an honest, upright
dog, yet now you don't know what to say since you've found out I'm a little different
than what you thought. So, you see, coming back to the topic of your momma coming
out of the closet, being different than what people expect can be a big
deal."
And with that news, an unsettling quiet hung over the room.
To be continued...
Chapters | The
Dog House
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