random musings

It's Been Awhile

Hello, my pets. Yes, it's been quite awhile since I've updated the blog, or OutLook, for that matter. Why, you might ask? Well, a lot has happened since May and my last update. For one, life has a way of intruding upon you just when you're having a good time. :)

Actually, work has been wild and I just haven't had as much leisure time to do the fun stuff. God, don't you hate it when real life intrudes upon your playtime? As Michelle on Full House would say, "How rude!" On the workfront, a major client was bought out, which brought a few moments of nailbiting to my life. That's been ironed out, though, and might actually be a good thing. It means I might get paid on a more regular basis. Woo-hoo! Plus I might actually pick up a client or two. Just remember, any of you out there looking for a kick-ass book designer, you know who to call! :)

Then, what do I do but decide to start a greeting card line called TylerDog Cards & Gifts! Why, you might ask, considering Hallmark and American Greetings take up about, oh, say 98% of the greeting card market? Maybe I like a challenge. Or then again, maybe it's because the majority of dog and cat cards on the market suck! Being an animal lover, I truly get sick of seeing greeting cards of cats with bulging eyes or dogs with weird-sized heads. You know the designer doesn't know how to do anything except use Kai's Power Goo in order to make those images! Our cards, however, are real art. Tasteful, gorgeous images of real dogs, not goofy-looking ones. If you want a sneak peak, take a look at our Holiday Greeting Cards we launched last month. We actually spent the big bucks and took out an ad in Dog Fancy magazine, so wish us luck (and buy a lot of cards!).

Which brings me to where I am today. Still working a lot. Still spending a lot of time trying to be the next Hallmark of Dog Cards, shooting a lot of pics (check out my shots) and still breathing. Only thing is, someone wonderful has come into my life and all I can say is wow! Just when you least expect it, and in my case, definitely not looking for it, something wonderful happens. And this one, ladies, is a keeper. She's simply amazing. Kind, gentle, funny, beautiful, sweet, sexy, and did I mention kind? I truly count myself blessed to have this incredible woman in my life. She makes my heart smile. :)

So, with all that in mind, we will one day get back to updating OutLook on a more regular basis. Just in time for the start of The L Word Season 3, we suppose. Until then, in the words of Jeanette Winterson, remember this: You play, you win. You play, you lose. You play. Remember that, ladies. Just play!

Outrageous News - Oklahoma Bans Gay Books

This was just published on the newswire: The Oklahoma House of Representatives has passed a resolution that would ban books on gay families from the children's sections of public libraries.

The measure does not have the power of law but calls on Oklahoma libraries to "confine homosexually themed books and other age-inappropriate material to areas exclusively for adult access and distribution."

It passed, 81-3 and now will be distributed to library boards across the state. (Read the full article here.)

Oklahoma is one of the most backward states in this country and I can say that because I live here! We put narrow-minded puppets in political office, we ban books in the library, and we promote the agenda of a commander-in-chief who can't even pronounce the word "nuclear" but has his finger on the so-called button.

I realize that I live in a "red" state that doesn't exactly extend open arms to citizens such as I, however upstanding I might be. Why? I'm a lesbian. That's just a big no-no here. And yet, I have never given much thought about how stifling Oklahoma truly is until this past Friday night. I was walking through an amusement park with the woman that I am dating (who is a lovely woman with a heart of gold, by the way. Yes, I am smitten. :) As we walked, I observed couples holding hands: young couples, teenagers, older men and women. For the first time, I truly felt like things were unfair. I wanted to hold my girl's hand. I wanted to laugh, whisper things together, and walk closely like couples who are smitten with one another do. I wanted to be able to put my arm around her if I wanted to, without fear that someone would knock my block off or verbally/physically harass us. I wanted to be able to enjoy the same freedom that all the other couples around me were enjoying, without fear of repercussion. But in Oklahoma? Not really a good idea.

It's not right that we live in a state, in a country, where we are passing laws to prevent two people who are in love from being together simply because of their gender. It's not right that we live in a state, in a country, that bans certain books from being on the bookshelves. When we deny basic rights to individuals, when we begin banning books that our citizenry "shouldn't" read, when we deem one segment of society as "unfit" to be parents due to their sexual orientation, we are one step away from establishing a society resembling the very model we strove to destroy during the two World Wars, Vietnam, and the current imbroglio in Iraq. We are becoming the very thing that we despise by allowing these so-called representatives to chip away at an individual's rights and freedoms, all in the name of morality and values. Whose values are they, anyway? Certainly not mine.

It is certainly a sad state of affairs to hear of book banning in the 21st century and only by becoming involved, standing up for our rights, speaking our mind, will we change any of it.

To quote the poet and philosopher, Goethe: "There is nothing more frightening than active ignorance."

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances." —Amendment I, The Bill of Rights.

TLW L'Chaim Recap Coming Soon
Sorry for the delay in The L Word recap of L'Chaim, but it will be up in the next day or two. We apologize for any inconvenience and thank all of you for visiting OutLook!

Great Article about TLW in USA Today
Whitney Matheson, a reporter for USA Today, has written an outstanding article about The L Word, the character of Shane, and a general overview of The L Word. Check out the article and let Ms. Matheson know how much you appreciate her support. It is because of great people like her who aren't afraid to take a stand that we have shows like The L Word. Click here to read the complete article.

Loud and Proud Recap

With only two episodes remaining in the second season, The L Word is getting down to business! Episode 11, Loud and Proud, was absolutely fantastic! Starting out in a dimly lit dungeon boasting a variety of interesting contraptions, we find a Dominatrix whipping a nubile subject in restraints and on the rack (forgive us if we don't know the proper names...we're guessing here!). After a few lashes with a leather crop (ouch!) and its handle placed in a strategic spot, the leather-jacketed Dominatrix leaves the woman whimpering and tied up, and walks out into the light. With an opening like that, you know this is going to be one shocking episode! As for me, I'd be like, "Hey, forget something? Hello! I'm still tied up over here!" Yow! I probably wouldn't make a good candidate for BDSM!

At the hospital, we find Bette talking to a doctor. Evidently, her father has been ill for quite some time and has decided against any type of treatment. The doctor tells Bette that he's been in contact with Melvin's doctor in Philadelphia, and there's just nothing left that they can do for him. As Bette contemplates this information, Tina comes walking up with flowers. Bette tells Tina that Melvin has advanced prostate cancer and has refused any further treatment, then falls into her arms, broken and crying. They go into Melvin's room where he is being helped into bed by Kit. Melvin sees Tina and tells her to take the flowers home, that she can put them on his grave. Uh-oh, this isn't going to go well! Bette asks Melvin to say hello to Tina, so he responds with "Hello, Ms. Kennard." Tina asks how he is feeling, and he retorts, "How do you think I'm feeling?" Bette then points out how pregnant Tina is, Tina asks if he would like to touch the baby, and he responds that it would be "...highly inappropriate." Crotchety old man! Yeah, we know he's dying, but isn't that time to make amends? Get things right? Why be so damn mean?!

Shane is watching the tapes that Mark made of her, Carmen, different moments. Mark asks Shane what she's looking for in a woman, but she turns the question back to him and asks what he is looking for. Scene cuts to Jenny in her room, working on a project. She is cutting images out of pictures that we can assume are of her family. As she cuts out a young girl, which we assume is Jenny as a child, she slides the image into the mouth of a monster. She takes the two images of her mother and father (again, we assume these to be) and has them in a tent scene that shows some sort of celebration going on. Next, she takes the picture of the young girl and has her disappearing into a dark, swirling vortex, repeating what sounds to be a prayer chant of some sort. Jenny's face, as she works with these images, speaks volumes. A tremendous amount of pain crosses her face as tears roll from her eyes. Finally, we get a glimpse of the demons that have haunted Jenny all these years.

Shane knocks, asking what she's doing. Jenny responds, "I keep having these nightmares and I'm just trying to work it all out." Shane asks if they can talk, and tells her, "This is my home, Jenny. I don't know...for the first time I have a room of my own. That's a huge thing for me. And I'm sorry...I am...I am sorry about what you saw on that tape. But I like living with you. I love it. I think we have a great time. I don't want to lose it." Jenny agrees, then asks her "What are you going to do about Carmen?" Dropping her head, Shane responds, "Nothing." Then Jenny tells her that she thinks they should be together. Shane asks what does she think about that? "I think it was a very important step for me and I'm on to other things." Shane asks if it's why she's been pushing she and Carmen together, but Jenny denies it, saying she thinks they're great together. Taking her into the other room, Shane plays the tapes that Mark made of her, that make her appear to be someone only looking for a good time, someone unable to commit, someone a bit scary. Jenny tells her that she's not scary, and Carmen is not going to get involved with something she can't handle. Then Shane and Jenny embrace. Major kudos to Jenny for finally stepping up to the plate. Very empowering scene. And very revealing. We see a tremendous amount of vulnerability in Shane by revealing how a simple thing like having her own room is a huge thing for her and not wanting to give that up.

Next, we find Dana and Alice making love with a little "French Maid and the Professor" role-playing going on. Alice pulls back and looks deeply into Dana's eyes and says, "I love you." Dana responds, "Camille, I told you not to fall in love with me." Alice interjects, "No. no, this is me talking. I love you, Dana." The first profession of love! Dana looks at her for a moment and opens her mouth to respond, but the doorbell rings. Going to the door, they discover it's Dana's little brother, Howie. He comes barging in, carrying a suitcase. Guess someone's staying awhile! Dana asks how he found her, and he says, "Mom and Dad just love to talk about how you threw away your great future with Tonya for a dead-end relationship with her" pointing to Alice. Real sensitive, Howie. Sheesh!

We cut to Helena and Tina eating together, when Helena says Tina seems far away. Tina tells her she's just worried about Melvin and doesn't know what Bette will do without him. Helena interjects that it doesn't really appear to be Tina's concern about Bette anymore, which Tina doesn't take well. She tells Helena that Bette's still her family, to which Helena retorts, "Yes, I'm reminded of that often enough." Uh-oh...trouble in paradise! Tina turns to Helena and tells her that she'd like to start seeing other people. Helena snorts and says, "You mean, you want to see Bette." Tina looks away as Helena continues: "Tina, it's fine. It's not as if we're exclusive. You haven't dropped a bombshell. I just feel bad that you were under the impression that things were otherwise." Yeah, right, Helena. You were shocked she said that. Although, I have to admit to feeling a twinge of pity for Helena. I do think she was actually caring about Tina as more than just a trophy wife. As for Tina? Girl, I do think you're becoming a playa! Dating more than one person at a time? Maybe when I was younger and more foolish. But girl, you're dating and sleeping with multiple people at the same time. Playa, playa, playa!

Back over at Dana and Alice's place, Howie is unpacking what appears to be a ton of stuff! Dana asks him if he's run away, but Howie tells her that their parents were "getting up in his grill..." and he just needed some time away from them. They tell him that they have a lot planned for Gay Pride week, which he says is cool, but Dana not too thrilled. Alice interjects, "Gay pride, Howie, is for gay people." Dana hugs Alice and says "gay." Then points to Howie and says, "Not gay." Howie's response? "Uh, right." Um, Dana, you may not be right about that!

Jenny and Shane are preparing food when Mark comes in, asking if he can stay the night because he doesn't want his stuff to be stolen. Then he says, "I know that you hate me. And, while I would love to ask for your forgiveness, I probably wouldn't forgive myself. I don't know if you can relate to this, but it's like this terrible thing that I was doing suddenly became the best, truest thing that I had ever done." Jenny and Shane both look at him like he's grown a second head, and Jenny says, "What?!" He realizes that probably wasn't the best thing in the world for him to say, and turns to leave. Shane follows and tells him that he can stay the night, much to Jenny's surprise. I think Jenny's ready to castrate the guy, and I can't say that I blame her.

At the hospital, Bette is reading to her father when Tina comes bringing food and clothing for Bette. They make small talk about the Peabody dinner the previous evening, as Tina tells Bette that she thought Bette left just to spite her. As she says that, you see Melvin grab the call button for the nurse. They continue to talk as the nurse comes in, and Melvin tells her to pull the curtain, effectively blocking Bette and Tina from his view. What a mean old man! Tina turns to leave as Bette asks if she'll see her tomorrow at the parade. Tina tells her she's going with Helena. Bette just says oh, but Tina forges ahead: "Look, I'm not going to stop seeing Helena. If you don't want to see me under those circumstances, I understand. One step at a time, okay?" Bette says okay and Tina leaves. I have to say, I am liking Tina Kennard less and less! Talk about playing both sides of the fence! Word to the wise, Tina: Sit on the fence long enough and eventually someone will knock you off of it!

Bette pulls the curtain back and tells her Dad, "She's gone now, you don't have to hide anymore." Melvin launches into this diatribe: "What have I done?" Bette asks what he's talking about. He continues, "I have loved you. I've supported every endeavor you've ever undertaken. I've given you every opportunity to follow your every dream. I don't understand why you want to punish me?" Bette replies that she's not punishing him. Yet he continues, "I do not understand! And you're such a beautiful woman! Don't you ever think about the day you're gonna stand in the Judgment before God? What are you going to say to Him when He opens the Book of Life and reads your sins?" Bette looks at him defiantly and says, "I am your creation, and I am proud." You go, Bette! Melvin looks more than a little ticked as Bette turns and leaves. (Oh, by the way. We had a lot of people say they really liked that line, "I am your creation and I am proud," and wanted it on a t-shirt, so we did it for you! Click here to order 'em while supplies last!)

Shane is watching the "Shane/Carmen Love Confession" tape that Mark made. The camera zooms in close and you see Shane visibly moved and emotionally overcome. It's getting to her and you know it's only a matter of time until Shane is going to have to do the old "fight or flight" thing: She's going to have to deal with her feelings for Carmen, no matter how scared and vulnerable it will make her. Come on, Shane. Relationships are scary, we know. You can get your heart broken. But good god, you have to take a chance! Who knows? Maybe she'll love you back just as much as you love her. And we think Carmen does.

Alice and Dana are getting ready for bed, and you can once again tell that not all is well in paradise. Alice is ticked that Howie's there, commenting that he's going to ruin their pride. Dana suggests that maybe Howie can hang out with Alice. Confused, Alice asks where Dana's going to be, and Dana casually mentions that she's been asked to be on the Gay and Lesbian Center pride float. Alice is rather peeved, feeling left out and wonders aloud when Dana was going to tell her. She turns away, hurt, and Dana tries to make it up to her by telling her she can be on the float with her. That soothes Alice's feelings and she snuggled up to Dana and again tells Dana, "I love you." Dana leans over without responding in kind, kisses her, then says she's going to set the alarm. Dejected, Alice rolls over on her back. Such a minefield when uttering those three simple words, isn't it, ladies? Question you should ask yourself, Alice: Did you say it with hopes Dana would say it back or did you say it simply because you just couldn't keep it inside any longer? Anyone who's ever told another woman, "I love you" always wants to hear it back, whether they freely admit it or not. And obviously, that's what Alice was expecting but didn't get. We think Dana was poised to say it earlier, when Howie first came, but we'll have to wait and see what happens. Hang on, Alice!

Mark shows up at Jenny and Shane's place the next morning, asking if he can talk with Jenny. She agrees, and he launches into this explanation of what he did, trying to justify his actions. He says, "I wish so much there was something I could do." Jenny responds, "No, I don't think there's anything you can do. I think you did it." He continues, "When I moved in here, I was the type of guy who was capable of doing shit like this. But I am not that guy anymore. I know I've said it before, but you and Shane have made me a better man." Jenny angrily tells him, "Oh, fuck off, Mark! It's not my job to make you a better man and I don't give a shit if I've made you a better man. It's not a fucking woman's job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so some fucking man can evolve!" He responds, "That's not what I mean..." but she cuts him off. "What the fuck are you alking about, Mark? You give me one reason why you think I should forgive you?" "Because, Jenny, I made a big, big mistake. But from that, I've learned how difficult it is to be a woman," he responds. Disgusted, Jenny stands and walks off. Mark rushes to his feet and strips naked, asking Jenny, "Is this what you want?" Jenny throws her pen at him and yells, "No! What I want is you to write fuck me on your chest! Write it! Do it! Then I want you to walk out that door and walk down that street, and anybody that wants to fuck you, you say 'sure, sure, no problem.' And when they do, you have to say 'thank you very, very much.' And make sure you have a smile on your face. And then, you stupid fucking coward, you're going to know what it feels like to be a woman!" then stalks angrily from the room. Now, I can understand how violated Jenny must feel by what Mark has done. Hell, I'd already castrated the guy! But I can't say that I relate to how she envisions all women feeling as objects to men to be used and abused. However, there's a lot more to Jenny's rage than what's on the surface and if we had to guess, we'd say some major bad trauma happened to her as a child. Trauma that she obviously has either buried or has been buried by her subconscious and now is surfacing whether she wants it to or not. Time will tell.

At the Pride parade, Dana is trying to get them to let Alice on the float with her, but the woman in charge won't let her. Alice is angry and says it's no big deal 'cause it's not like it's HRC or one of the big floats. Dana is horrified and tries to shush Alice. Howie and Alice walk through the crowd until Shane and Jenny find them, and Shane convinces Alice to ride with her in the Dykes on Bikes contingent. Alice agrees, leaving Howie in Jenny's care. As they walk over to the bikes, Alice confesses to Shane that she's told Dana twice that she loves her, but Dana's not said anything back. Shane spies Carmen, then looks back at Alice and tells her that at least she can see that Dana loves her. That pacifies Al and they go off to the Dykes on Bikes. Hmm, maybe those tapes are getting through to Shane, finally! The Pride parade continues and we see the reappearance of the Dominatrix from earlier, who is handing out flyers about "The Seven Stations of the Cross" to everyone. She hands one to Jenny, asking if she'll see her there and Jenny says maybe. The Dominatrix says, "Well, I love to punish a tease." Ouch! Jenny, watch out girl!

This would have been a nice Pride moment if, once again, the producers wouldn't have insisted on remixing the damn theme song to be the background music for the segment! For god's sake, people! Play some original, friggin' music! I counted at least three remixes of the theme song, if not more, this episode alone. You are truly ruining this show with that music! Hire someone who knows how to score a television show, please!

At the hospital, Bette is alone as her father sleeps. She takes his wallet and pulls out a picture of Melvin, her mother, and herself when she was a baby. Kit comes in, tries to convince Bette to go home, then Melvin wakes. He apologizes to Kit for all the years they were estranged. Kit tells him it's okay as he cries. Then he asks if his baby is there, and Bette comes over to him. He tells them that he loves them both. Time must be short for Melvin and he knows it's time to make amends.

Dana and Alice have decided they're going to see what the "Seven Stations of the Cross" is all about (and trust us, it has nothing to do with Catholicism, religion, or Jesus although you might call out God's name a time or two!), as they read what the flyer says they offer: whipping, temporary piercing, public humilation, anal penetration, torching, spanking, and specialty arts. Dana points out there is a free buffet 'til six! Yeah, just what you want, Dana. Be torched, spanked, and have dinner, too! Woo-hoo! They walk in and last about five second before both come out and practically run to The Planet! Too funny, girls!

At The Planet, a huge party is going on as we see Jenny standing outside looking in. An older lesbian walks up to her, asking what she's doing. Jenny tells her she's celebrating gay pride. The woman says, "You mean gay shame? That's what it really is." Jenny asks why. The woman responds, "Most of us have more shame than pride." Jenny says that she thinks she might be right. Boy, was that revealing! And a sad commentary on a society that heaps guilt and shame on people who are simply trying to be true to themselves.

Tina and Helena run into Leigh Ostin, the mobile artist from a few episodes back. Leigh's single now, Helena appears interested, then asks her to dance. Tina looks a bit surprised, but says it's fine. Hmm...not liking that much, eh Tina? You're the one that said you wanted to date others.

Alice and Dana are looking for Howie, but they don't have far to look as he's stripped half naked, dancing with some buff guy. Howie tells them he's celebrating gay pride and Dana thinks that he's mimicking her. Howie finally convinces her that he's known he was gay since he was about four, and tells Dana he only made fun of her because she was scared. Then the little chicken asks Dana to tell their parents for him. What a weiner!

Jenny has headed home and is gazing at her old family photos as Mark comes in to drop off the keys. Visibly upset, Jenny looks at him and says, "You've opened up...you've opened up this Pandora's box. And now you're just running away. So, I dare you to stay here and deal with this." Mark scoops up the keys and leaves. Guess Mark's not going anywhere. As he turns to leave, Jenny tells him, "We're not friends." Then she grabs a sweater and leaves as well.

At the hospital, Kit is talking to her father, who's asleep. At one point, he stirs and asks where Benjamin is. She tells him the truth, that Benjamin is with his wife and kids. Melvin tells her that if this is the man she loves, she shouldn't let anything stand in her way of being with him. What?! Mr. Righteous himself telling her to steal a married man away from his family?! He tells her that whatever the cost, she should be with Benjamin if that's what she wants. He tells Kit that he did what he had to do to ensure his happiness, and that sometimes, it comes at a price. No kidding!

Back at The Planet, Alice and Dana are dancing, having a great time, when Dana reaches over and pulls Alice to her, whispering in her ear, "I love you." Finally! Alice is overcome and pulls Dana to her, saying, "I love you, too." We're so happy for you guys! See, Alice. We knew she'd say it soon!

Jenny has headed over to the Seven Stations of the Cross and is being tied up by the Dominatrix. Sounds of whips swishing through the air and connecting with flesh abound as Jenny lies there, tears running down her face. Suddenly, a memory flashes to the front of Jenny being thrown to the ground, forcibly restrained by several hands as she screams no! The monster we've repeatedly seen appears to be an image on someone's shirt. Then we flash back to the present as Jenny suddenly sits up. The Dominatrix reaches to touch her, but Jenny pushes her away telling her not to touch her. Back to the past we go as a young girl stands, clothes torn and dirty. Someone runs away into the woods as a celebration occurs in the distance. It's the celebration we've seen in Jenny's pictures. It all starts to come together as we can surmise that Jenny has suffered a hugely traumatic event or events that obviously includes rape, and this trauma has brought her to this place. Whether the memories are repressed or she simply cannot contain them any longer, we don't know. What we do know is she has obviously been through hell and it's catching up with her. The "Pandora's Box" that she said Mark has opened is definitely these memories and his violation of her was the trigger. Back to the present, Jenny continues to sit in the dungeon, then starts to cry. Wow!

At The Planet, Shane walks up to Carmen and begins to speak as Jane Siberry sings a most appropriate song, "Love Is Everything." "I never had a hamster. But I had a dog and her name was Remy. I have a brother, but I've never met him because we never grew up together. And, my Mom put me in foster care when I was nine. But I still love her very much." Carmen reaches out and caresses Shane's cheek, then mouths the words, "thank you" as she walks away. Bravo! Way to take a chance, Shane!

The scene cuts to Bette and Kit as they both stand, looking out the hospital window, contemplating the impending death of their father. So much loss in this episode, but so much life, too. Incredibly powerful.

As the song continues, we see Jenny, dressed like the little girl from her memory, dirty and torn, as the scene fades to black.

Loud and Proud is simply one of the strongest, most emotional episodes this season. While it seemed to take an inordinately long time to tell Jenny's back story, and we're still not there with it completely, this is giving a lot more strength to her character. I almost wonder if the writers have waited too long to introduce it, though, because Jenny has been such a polarizing character that it's almost ingrained in most viewers minds that she's a flake, and who cares?! I discussed this with a few fellow L Word devotees, and they were of a like mind that it's almost a "who cares" sort of deal with Jenny. If you have a huge backstory for a character, you do have to introduce bits and pieces of it throughout the character's development or people simply won't care or be interested. It's necessary for character interest. It should be interesting to see where this goes.

It is also interesting to see the development of Dana and Alice's relationship. I would have guessed Dana to be the insecure one in the relationship, but it's obviously turned out to be Alice. Nice play on how couple dynamics evolve, especially in the romance stage of a relationship. From previews of next week's episode, it appears Alice is in for some more insecure moments as Lara Perkins makes an appearance in Dana's life once again.

Shane has taken a huge step towards shedding her fears of intimacy and relationships by going to Carmen and revealing herself. These two seem to belong together, so this budding relationship should be interesting. However, they can't couple everyone off on the show or it will get boring, so don't look for it to last too awful long. Maybe when the show wraps it's final episode after years of broadcast, they'll let Shane find the love of her life. Everyone deserves that at least once in their life, right?

Next Week on The L Word: L'Chaim
Bette moves her father into her home for his final days; Alice struggles with her jealousy over Dana's dinner with an ex and Jenny flirts with danger while confronting a repressed memory. Guest stars: Ossie Davis. Airs Sunday, May 8 at 10 pm ET/PT.