random musings

Watching The L Word this season is sort of like being on a rollercoaster: sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. After last week's spectacular episode, Labyrinth, which saw Dana and Alice finally hook up, we return to a rather uneven story in episode six, Lagrimas de Oro, or rather "Tears of Gold."

This episode starts off with Kit having lunch with Benjamin Bradshaw, the self-help guru who has been helping her with The Planet. As expected, there's a budding romance coming out of this one as Benjamin tells her how lonely it gets on the road, how difficult it is to be away from his family. Of course, he attempts to be honorable and tells her he's "trying to do the right thing" shortly before he kisses her. Wonder if his wife knows how honorable he is?! Next thing you know, Kit and Benjamin are rolling around in his hotel room with some major heavy moaning going on. Don't know about you, but I'm a bit miffed that Kit could move on so quickly after Ivan!

It appears Tina has found an apartment as she and Alice are unpacking boxes, hanging "the only art that doesn't have anything to do with Bette or from Bette," says Tina, and all that jazz. [Editor's note: This paragraph contains song links, which will automatically launch the iTunes Music Store on your computer if you have the iTunes software installed. If you do not have iTunes, it will take you to a link to download the free PC/Mac music software. Just be forewarned.] As music blares in the background, sweet Alice shows her geeky side by playing air guitar to Pat Benatar's "Hit Me with Your Best Shot." Come on, Alice...we already heard you blaring "Hold Me Now" by the Thompson Twins a few weeks ago, so just come out of the geek closet already! We love ya no matter what! Tina doesn't do a bad air drummer either! As they bebop around the apartment, the Dragon Lady...uh...Helena Peabody comes walking in unannounced in her haute couture, saying she knocked but they must have not heard her over the cacophony. No offense to our sisters on the other side of the pond, but please, send this British bitch back to England with her fancy suits and $10 words! Personally, I don't find Pat Benatar's music to be jarring, a discordant sound, or filled with dissonance. (See, we American lesbians know big words, too!). Helena tells Tina she's put the money in the bank for Tina's organization, and that she'll see her at dinner on Thursday night. The best part of this scene is shown in the picture above: Alice pulling a "Psycho" moment with the hammer while Tina's back is turned as Helena leaves the room. You go, girl! I'll help you with the hammer if you want!

After Dragon Lady leaves, Alice grills Tina about her, asking if she's sleeping with Helena, to which Tina says she doesn't know if she's ready for that. Then she says Helena probably isn't interested in her with the way she looks, her pregnancy and all, to which Alice is like, "ha!" Methinks Dragon Lady is interested in anything with two legs and breasts.

Over at Jenny and Shane's place, they're eating breakfast and discussing Jenny's interest in Carmen while Mark listens to their conversation. He finally figures out that Jenny is talking about someone that Shane has had sex with before, and is totally jazzed by the fact he thinks they share sex partners. Shane sets the record straight with him, and then he hones in on Shane, asking how she does it, how she gets girls. She tells him a little. He interjects his method, which is major lame. One thing they seem to miss is Mark's observation of the fact that Shane only sleeps with the same girl no more than twice. If they had paid attention, they might have wondered how he came to have that information. Alas, they didn't and that means we're in for more hidden camera voyeurism by the scumbag.

Next we find Dana sitting at a cafe, waiting for Alice. When she arrives, Dana breaks into a big smile with those beautiful puppy dog eyes, asking Alice if they can go back to her place. Alice sits down and tells her, "Dana, I'm not going to do this with you...I'm not going to sneak around with you. I'm not going to be your secret lover, your backdoor woman." Dana looks stunned and tries to defend why she's staying with Tonya, but Alice tells her she wants Dana to break up with Tonya so they can be together. Dana says she can't do it because this tournament she's in was arranged by Tonya and all, so Alice gets up to leave. Dana panicks and begs Alice to come back, saying she'll do it after the tournament. She tells Al that she really, really wants to be with her, as she takes her hand and slips her foot up Alice's leg. That poor girl is in heat! Someone get a hose on her!

Over at Tina's new place, we find Bette dropping in for an unexpected visit (Bad move! Never drop in unexpectedly on the woman you jilted...especially when she's still pissed at you!). She tries to make nice with Tina, complimenting her and all, but Tina's having none of it, saying she really isn't in the mood for visitors and perhaps Bette should have called. Boy, she's not cutting Bette any slack at all! They begin to talk about the baby, and Tina starts getting defensive. Bette tells her that the baby is "their baby" since they used the sperm from Marcus Allenwood, Bette's friend, and that she was the one who found the sperm in the first place! She keeps saying how she wants to be a part of the baby's life, how she'll do whatever it takes, but Tina just become more and more angry, saying she just needs time to think. Poor Bette stands there, dejected, looking more lost than ever. At this point, you have to feel sorry for her. Cut her a break already, Tina!

Back at the ranch, it appears Shane and Jenny are having yet another party. Do these women ever work?! Carmen's in the refrigerator getting a beer as Shane sits at the table rolling a joint. Carmen stands there, chug-a-lugging a beer, while Shane calls her a tease. Next thing you know, there's some flirting, a quick kiss on the neck, a bit of spilt beer. Wouldn't you know, Jenny walks in and catches them in what appears to be a compromising situation, which it's not. I know this is supposed to be a sordid love triangle storyline, but Jenny's "woe is me" look just doesn't cut it. Please, we already had the Tim-Jenny-Marina love triangle. At least that had sizzle. Jenny and Carmen just don't have any heat, ladies! Jenny announces that Mark's crashing their party with the videocamera, so Shane goes in to shoo him away. He's asking incredibly crass questions, such as would you sleep with a stranger for a million bucks (gee, wasn't that a movie already?!), then he turns it into a friend for a million bucks, trying the Shane-Jenny-Carmen angle from breakfast. Shane climbs over into this new girl's lap, starts sucking face, to which a drunken Carmen doesn't react well. Unbeknownst to Carmen, he keeps the camera on her, seeing her reaction to Shane and this girl getting it on right in front of her. As happened the last few times Carmen witnessed Shane with someone else, she bolts from the room. Anyone with eyes in their head can see she's head-over-heels for Shane and even though Shane doesn't show it as much, the feeling is appearing to be mutual.

Next we find Bette at an art show when the Dragon Lady herself makes an appearance. Helena Peabody greets Bette, then drops a bombshell about a new consultant Bette will be working with at the CAC. Evidently, Franklin went behind Bette's back and hired someone to do fundraising since Bette lost the Peabody grant. Helena smirks in triumph at the look on Bette's face as Bette exits the show. She drives to Franklin's house, tells him off, then leaves in frustration. Upset, Bette calls Tina, telling her she needs someone to talk to. Tina agrees, so Bette pours out what happened. Tina sympathetically listens until Bette says, "...and you know who's responsible for this? Your buddy, Helena Peabody!" Tina tries to refute it, to which Bette jumps into attack mode. "Please tell me you're not sleeping with her, Tina! That woman will eat you alive! She's a vampire...a monster!" Tina calmly responds that she understands that Bette is in distress and she needed someone to talk to and that she is willing to listen, but she won't do this anymore. She tells Bette that she's trying to control her still and she won't do this...she won't talk to her about Helena Peabody," then click: Tina hangs up on her. Once again, Bette just doesn't know when to shut her mouth.

We have a quick bit with Dana and Tonya getting ready for the Heineken Slammin' Jammin' Celebrity tennis tournament that Tonya has arranged. Alice calls, asking if she's told her yet, Dana tells her not to pressure her, which Tonya overhears. Dana makes like it's her Mom, then they go merrily off to play tennis. Okay, on to the next one.

Over at Shane's house, where it still appears no one ever works, the doorbell rings and a cute little blonde delivery girl is there with flowers for Shane. She signs for the flowers, the delivery girl suggests putting them in water, then boldly follows her into the house. Hmm....when's the last time you got flowers from a hot little number who followed you into your house and helped you water 'em?! I wanna live where Shane and Jenny do! As expected, they end up in a heated clinch, fall to the couch, and get it on. Boy, I want flowers delivered like that! How about you?!

You knew we couldn't get through an episode without Jenny writing, and guess what? You're right! This time, we find Jenny has tracked down Charlotte Birch, her writing professor, at the gym. Could Jenny be anymore stalkerish? Charlotte critiques Jenny, then gives her an assignment: go the entire day without speaking a word, then write a story about it. God, why didn't she say go an entire episode without writing?! But that would be too easy.

We cut back to Shane's where Mark and Gomey are watching the replay of Shane having sex with the flower girl. Evidently, Mark got tired of waiting for things to happen, so he paid the flower girl to come on to Shane and have sex with her. Could this storyline get any more disgusting?! Gomey, of course, is getting off on the girl-on-girl action, but Mark zooms in to Shane's face. He's seen something that intrigues him in Shane, so he's determined to figure it out. Please, figure it out soon so they can boot you off the show!

Alice has decided to attend Dana's tennis tournament and made Shane come with her. Shane's okay with it until she realizes that why Alice is coming to the tournament: to make sure Dana breaks it off with Tonya. This Shane doesn't find cool and tells Alice as much, but Alice isn't in a receptive mode. They see Tonya coming out of a room and wait until she's gone, then Alice sneaks into Dana's room. They grab each other in a heated kiss, and Alice says she's not leaving until Dana breaks it off. Dana said she doesn't know what to say, and Alice says, "Just say 'hi, Tonya, you're a scary robot and I'm not going to marry you, but you can still be my manager.'" God, she comes up with some funny lines! Dana promises she'll do it at the end of the tournament, so they continue to kiss until Alice's phone goes off. That's the signal from Shane that Tonya is coming back! Only problem is, Alice didn't think about an exit strategy! They both act like the Keystone cops until Alice runs around the corner of the room, hidden out of the way. Tonya comes in, then Al jumps out with a tennis racket yelling "surprise!" Tonya thinks that Al's come to support Dana, which she thinks is very sweet, and as she turns her back to pour a drink, Dana keeps trying to slip her hand down Alice's shirt! While I want Alice and Dana together as much as anyone, Dana really is being wishy-washy about this whole thing and incredibly dishonest. How in the world could you stand there with your fianceé not even three feet away and try to fondle your new lover?! Ewww! Get a backbone, Dana. Choose one of them already! Quit trying to have your cake and eat it, too.

We find Carmen and Jenny walking after what appears to be a date they shared. Carmen tells Jenny that she'd like to go out with her again when she's "...a little bit more verbal...maybe. Is that cool with you?" Not cool wth us, but hey, you didn't ask. Obviously Jenny hasn't told her of her no-speaking assignment and has acted like a mute the entire time they were out. I believe Charlotte Birch told her to communicate in non-verbal ways, not to refrain from total communication. Think maybe she could have written a note to Carmen and told her why she wasn't speaking? And please, why would you want to go out with someone who doesn't say a word on your date? I'd be thinking Jenny was a real nutcase, which she is! Anyway, Carmen gently kisses Jenny and says goodbye. Which brings us to the painful part of the show: Jenny's writing. Aaarrrggghhh!

This time, the story is entitled "The Ringmaster" and stars Charlotte Birch as the ringmaster, Jenny as the Silent Ballerina, Carmen as the Beautiful Temptress (looking quite a bit by Padma, the Goddess of Fertility), and Shane as the Temptress Tamer. The Silent Ballerina is on the high-wire, sadly looking down on all the activity, as the Ringmaster belts out the typical, circus barker cry, adding "girlish boys and boyish girls" to her repertoire. The chant is all about freaks, the undesirable, the unwanted. As Jenny, the Silent Ballerina, watches Shane the Temptress Tamer approach Carmen, she silently falls to the ground. Now wasn't that enlightening?! I'm beyond trying to decipher Jenny's flashbacks. Yes, I know it alludes to Jenny's attitude about herself, her childhood, the way people view others different from themselves, prejudices, etc. But it's just not interesting enough to make me care.

Back at Mark's, we see him handing a videotape to the flower girl, Kelly, and telling her he won't use it if she says no. She tells him no, and stunned, he tries to explain to her that it's an important part of his documentary. She replies, what, "Lesbians Gone Wild?" Mark tries to explain he wants to find out what makes Shane tick, how she has this power over women. He says he has never seen a girl have that kind of effect on other girls and it intrigues him. Kelly tells him she doesn't want to hurt Shane, that she was really nice to her, and this really floors Mark. Even Kelly, a girl paid to have sex with Shane, seems to have fallen under her spell!

Back at the tennis tournament, we see faces going back and forth as Tonya, Shane, and Alice watch Dana play. Tonya notices that Melissa Rivers (playing herself) is out of water, so she hustles over to ingratiate herself. Alice turns to Shane and hands her a break-up script she has written for Dana since Dana's having trouble finding the words to say to Tonya. Shane starts reading, "Tonya, there's something I need to say to you and it isn't easy for me...especially since you've done so much for my career." She breaks off and tells Alice that it's karmically wrong and it will come back to her if she and Dana ends up together. This pisses Alice off, so she retorts, "All right. Yoda needs to give me some better advice here or Yoda needs to shut the fuck up!" Anyone who doesn't understand the Yoda reference needs to watch the first season, when Alice called Shane Yoda after she enlightened the group about today's man and his sperm.

Bette and Kit appear to be going to one of Benjamin Bradshaw's TOE seminars, as Kit gushes about how wonderful he is, how he "moves" on stage. Bette looks about to hurl, but signs in anyway. She's determined there's nothing she will gain from the seminar, but goes to appease Kit anyway. As Benjamin begins to speak about risk, how when you risk everything, you invariably stand to gain everything, Bette takes out a pen and writes down what he says.

The tennis tournament appears to be over and now it's crunch time. Dana and Alice stand outside the locker room, as Alice hands Dana the "script." Dana reads just a few lines and tells Alice that it's horrible and it's wrong, that she can't read it to Tonya. They argue a bit, Dana says she can't do it, but Alice tells her she believes in her, so Dana heads off to tell Tonya the sad news. Would you want to be with someone that you had to convince to break-up with their fianceé? Not me!

After the seminar, Bette meets Benjamin and she admits she got a little out of his lecture. He asks what part, and she says the risk analogy. Benjamin surmises it is because of Tina, that she wants to know how to get Tina back, to which Bette looks pretty ticked at Kit for telling. Benjamin tells her, "Go to Tina tonight. Pick flowers that you have picked yourself, not bought, and give them to Tina. Tell her that she holds all the cards." As expected, Bette disregards the idea, then chews Kit out for telling Bradshaw about her private life.

Back in the locker room, Dana and Tonya sit down to talk. They both state they have news for each other, but Tonya encourages Dana to go first. Dana gently begins to tell Tonya how wonderful she is, how Tonya was there for her during a time in her life when she was just coming out and finding herself. Emotional, she tells her that she will always be grateful for everything that Tonya has done, but that she also thinks that she confused gratitude for love and that if they got married, it would be the worst thing they could ever do. Tonya looks a tiny bit upset, but not as upset as someone would be that was receiving such devastating news. Hmm.....

Next thing you know, in walks Melissa Rivers, calling Tonya baby, asking if she's told her yet. Dana looks confused, then Tonya tells her that's what she wanted to tell her: she's in love with Melissa Rivers and was going to break it off (gosh, when did this happen? When she was retrieving bottled water for Rivers?!)! Dana looks shell-shocked! She asks Melissa Rivers if she's even gay and Rivers responds that it's not about that; she fell in love with Tonya the person. Tonya and Melissa play kissy-face, Dana looks extremely ill, then as Tonya and Melissa walk off, you hear Tonya say, "I can't wait to meet your mother!" Boy, talk about a twist! I didn't see that one coming at all and obviously, neither did Dana!

It's Thursday night and time for the big Peabody Foundation grant recipient dinner, of which Tina is a guest. Helena is holding court, pretty much ignoring Tina who is sitting far down this giant table. Helena gets up, and walks away from the table without so much as a glance at Tina. We cut to Tina's phone ringing. It's Helena, encouraging her to come out and play. Tina doesn't know what to say, and Helena says, "Never apologize, never explain, Tina." Well, that could possibly explain why Helena's single!

The next scene cuts to Bette, sitting outside her house by the pool, looking at the notes she took that afternoon. She walks over to her flowers and begins to cut them. She's evidently going to give Benjamin's advice a try and let Tina know she holds all the cards. Might as well. Nothing else is working for Bette.

Tina, in the meantime, has decided to join Helena and leaves the dinner. She finds Helena sitting beside the pool. Pouring on the charm (sleaze, if you ask me), Helena tells Tina how much she wants her, how she wanted her from the moment she saw her. Tina doesn't quite believe it, but Helena is quite persistent and starts taking off Tina's clothes. Now, I'm all for spontaneity, but unless I'm mistaken, this is a public hotel for god's sake! They're getting naked and making out at a public hotel, during a formal dinner of which Helena Peabody is the hostess! Yikes! It appears Tina has leaped over her earlier hesitation about not being ready to have sex with Helena as she and Helena find themselves in the pool, getting pretty hot and heavy.

Cut back to Bette, who is standing forlornly at Tina's door with the flowers. She knocks, but of course there is no answer. She calls Tina on her cell phone, but it just rings. Why? Because Tina and Helena are in the pool having hot and heavy sex! Next shot we see is the flowers that Bette picked for Tina, lying on the doorstep with a note that says, "You hold all the cards." God, it just breaks your heart!

And last, but not least, we end with Shane sitting in the backseat of a car, returning from the tennis tournament with Dana and Alice. Dana looks shell-shocked, while Alice just looks ill. Obviously, the whole "Dana dumping Tonya for Alice" fiasco has backfired in their faces! Shane looks from one to the other, and back again, and begins to laugh. She was right when she warned Alice about trying to manipulate the situation: Karma will come back and kick you in the butt every single time you do something that's wrong! And boy, did it!

Overall, Lagrimas de Oro wasn't a bad episode. It had quite a few funny moments, and more than a few twists. On a scale of 1 to 10, it would be about a 6. Not great, but not that bad either. I do have to comment on the music for just a moment. Music plays a great part in any production, whether it be a television show, movie, or play. This season, I personally think the music is pathetic. I'm not sure what the producers were thinking, but give us something we can connect with! The first season music was strong, haunting, passionate! It resonated with us. This year, I find myself wondering if my satellite is messing up by the odd twirps and scratches coming from the speakers, only to find it's the musical soundtrack. Please, fix the intro and fix the music for next season!

Next on The L Word
Alice and Dana tentatively begin dating, while Tina comes between Helena and her ex, Bette rejoins the singles scene, and Shane dulls her pain over Jenny and Carmen. Guest stars Sandra Bernhard and Camryn Manheim reprise their roles as Professor Charlotte Birch and Hollywood producer, Veronica Bloom.

More Updates on the Way!
Don't forget to check out the rest of OutLook for more book and movie updates, the latest on the movie, D.E.B.S, and more! We are also introducing an amazing new artist, Dyana Jean, in our Gallery section, so don't miss that either! Oh, and we would like to congratulate Comella D. who was the winner of our iTunes $10 gift certificate. She provided the correct answer to our frog brain teaser listed in our very first blog. The answer: 48 days. Congratulations, Comella! Check back soon as we'll have another brain teaser for you shortly. Until then, remember: You play, you win. You play, you lose. You PLAY!

Labyrinth, the fifth episode of The L Word rocked—with exception to the opening reveal. If you want to miss the first minute, it won't be a great loss as the episode opened with Gomey, the scuzzy best bud of video guy Mark, at his security guard job spying on two people who are getting it on in his building. He excitedly phones Mark to tell him that he won't believe what he's looking at. Boring and perverted. On to better things!

Next we see Tina knocking on the door of the house she and Bette shared. Bette looks slightly surprised, then Tina informs her she needs a place to stay, that she shouldn't be punished for something she didn't do, and that she is moving into the guest bedroom. Bette, of course, is thrilled and says "Welcome home." Tina stands her ground, saying she isn't home, and also that she's gained some weight (another attempt to hide her pregnancy from Bette). Bette smiles and says "I don't care," which we all know means "Tina, I don't care because I love you no matter what and I am just so damn glad you're home!" Not Tina. She takes it as a slam, mouths off a retort about Bette not caring, and walks off. She does try to explain to Tina what she meant, but Tina walks off. Poor Bette. Open mouth, insert foot...which she does a lot tonight.

We're back to Mark and Gomey, as Gomey tells him all about hidden cameras and how they need to do that in Jenny and Shane's house, but Mark tells him he has another project in mind. We know it's only a matter of time before the hidden cameras go up and these two perverts get off on what they see. This is truly a pathetic storyline. If it's true the only reason Mark was added to the show is because Showtime execs were worried that straight women wouldn't have anyone to desire, lust after, whatever, then they made a huge mistake. At least Tim was an sympathetic character and likable. These guys are scuzzy and no straight woman in her right mind would find what they're doing a turn-on. Mark and Gomey are worse than two junior high boys peeking through a hole in the girls locker room.

Jenny and Shane are strolling down the street with Jenny's bold new haircut. With it, she looks a bit like a young Isabella Rossalini (Katya from Alias). While I do love a woman with long hair...God it's sexy...the new short hair look fits Jenny and her new attitude. As they stroll down the street...actually strut would be a better word...Shane starts laughing as she realizes Jenny is getting cruised by women as they walk by! Jenny's flattered, and you can just see the ego boost she got from that brief moment, and they continue down the street. I have to say, I'm beginning to like Jenny a bit more this season. Just so long as she doesn't write or flashback!

Back to Tina and Bette. Tina's relaxing in the tub as Bette knocks, then walks in with some towels. She shyly averts her eyes from Tina, and begins to walk away as Tina asks her if she'll be home tonight. Bette says she will be if Tina wants her to be. Tina responds that she has something to tell her. We can see that Tina is crumbling in the face of Bette's softening attitude, so with fingers crossed, we hope things get better. These two belong together and need to work out their differences. Alas, it is a television show and that doesn't make for good drama, so it will probably be many more episodes before that happens.

Over at the CAC, Bette is all smiles as she tells her assistant, James, to slow down on finding Tina an apartment because Tina has come home. James is confused and asks Bette why he wants her to continue looking if Tina's home. Bette's response is that she's sure in Tina's mind that she's thinking the move back to Bette's is only temporary, but Bette is hoping that once she's comfortable back home she'll just stay. Once again, Bette is attempting to manipulate the circumstances for her own benefit instead of sitting back and actually listening to what Tina has to say. She just doesn't learn.

The next few scenes are hilarious! Alice is with Tonya and Dana at a sex toy store, evidently looking for gifts for the bachelorette party gift bags. Tonya's making an ass of herself as she waves dildos around, embarassing everyone, especially Dana. So Alice tells them that she can probably take care of doing this alone. Tonya starts simulating a blow job with this cookie / chocolate bar in the shape of a penis (Good grief, who makes these things?! Can you imagine?! "Yes, that's my job...I make cookies in the shape of great big penises!"). Anyway, I digress. Tonya holds up the chocolate penis, telling Alice that it's probably more up her alley. Alice grabs a boob cookie and says that maybe this is more up her alley! Back and forth, back and forth they go, arguing, until Dana grabs both of them and tells 'em to stop it! She holds both items up and looks at Alice, saying "which do you choose?" Wow, what a loaded question, Dana! Alice narrows her eyes, glaring at Dana. Tonya shakes her head and says she just doesn't understand bisexuals, to "just choose already." Dana again looks at Alice pointedly and mouths, "yeah, just choose." Alice grabs the boob cookie from Dana and angrily bites it. Ouch! I felt that one! Definitely a laugh-out-loud moment, although you do have to ask yourself why Alice is subjecting herself to what is, without doubt, painful for her since she's so obviously in love with Dana!

Jenny and Shane are being interviewed (again) by creepy Mark as he tells them he wants to know all about lesbian life and sex. Before we proceed, if you're offended by the f-word, we apologize, as that seems to be the word of choice in this segment. Mark wants to know how lesbians have sex; not the foreplay, kissing, and cuddling, but how do they fuck as it's obvious they can't do that. Here we go with the primary penis theory that if you don't have one, you're not really having sex. Give me a break! Anyway, Shane and Jenny basically rip him a new one and inform him that lesbians can indeed fuck and it doesn't require a penis to do it. Then Jenny really puts the screws to him and says "Do you want us to demonstrate because it is obvious that is what this entire thing is leading up to, right?" He responds that he's simply trying to gain some insight here; a unique perspective for guys. Sex tip for all the horndogs and all that. They both basically look at him with disgust, which is what he deserves. Jenny really is outstanding in this segment. Her new hairdo really gives her a "kiss my ass" kind of attitude, which she pulls off really well.

Back at Bette and Tina's, we find Tina at the dinner table, candles lit, eating and working on something. Bette walks in, Tina offers to make a plate for her, and Bette says she'll do it herself. She looks at Tina intently, telling her she really looks great, that she's glowing. Get a clue, Bette! Your girlfriend is glowing because she's pregnant! Tina softens again as she responds to the compliment. Then as she begins to tell Bette what we assume will be the pregnancy reveal, Bette launches into this vitriolic diatribe about the horrible Helena Peabody and how she's probably not going to get the funding for the CAC, how horrible her life will be, blah, blah, blah. Tina tries to interject that she spent the entire day trying to raise money too, that the kids need money, but Bette doesn't hear her. She rails against not having the money she needs and how horrible it will be if that happens, while Tina crumbles, acquiescing to what Bette says. Bette finally shuts up, remembering that Tina wanted to talk to her, and asks, but Tina says it is nothing. Later, she knocks on Tina's door and apologizes for her behavior, but it's the "too little, too late" thing.

Again, Bette falls back into her old patterns making her life the focus of their relationship, not listening to Tina. She again makes Tina feel that her life is somewhat less than Bette's, that her opinion isn't as important as Bette's, her concerns aren't as valid as Bette's. You just want to reach over and shake Bette, telling her to shut up for five seconds! Maybe if Bette had listened a little more and Tina spoke up a little more, they wouldn't be in the mess they are in. What is with lesbian relationships? We can process and talk an issue to death as a whole, but when it really comes down to listening to one another in a relationship, we are so good to slap on the old earplugs. Get a clue, ladies! Learn from Bette and Tina. Listening to one another is one of the most important—and valuable—things you can do for your relationship. I remember something I learned a long time ago from the Bible, a book many consider archaic and out-of-date, yet within its pages, wisdom from which we all could benefit: Be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. Listen to the one you love, ladies! If we could just shut up for five minutes, focus, and really listen to the one we love, our relationships would be fantastic. You'd be amazed at what you'd hear if you'd only listen to her. Listen, love, and learn, ladies. You'll be richer for it.

We cut to The Planet where Alice is working on her dating chart she created from last season, when Bette and Tina walk in together. Alice is so happy to see them together, she mistakenly assumes they are "together" and grabs them in an enthusiastic embrace. They both laugh uncomfortably, correcting Alice in her assumption, so she continues to play the goof, saying she's just so glad to see them. She and Tina sit down to dish while Bette goes to see Kit, and Tina confesses that she's not ruling out getting back with Bette. Alice inquires about how Bette handled the pregnancy news and she says she hasn't told her yet. Shocked, Alice asks how she could miss it, and Tina states that Bette's kind of wrapped up in herself, that she can't see what's right in front of her, and that it's always been one of their problems. No kidding! That would be a huge understatement.

Kit introduces Bette to Benjamin Bradshaw, the self-help guru from last episode, and gushes about how his "Theory of Everything" program has made The Planet profitable and off-the-charts successful. Bradshaw extends his sympathy to Bette about her recent troubles, but Kit quickly cuts him off. Bette seems a bit put-off by Bradshaw, but we know we'll see more of him as he's obviously going to be a love interest for Kit. His character is done well by the superb Charles S. Dutton, but doesn't have the resonance or chemistry that Kit and Ivan had.

Quick cut to Shane and Carmen as they discuss Jenny. Carmen thinks she's a bit weird, but Shane tries to smooth things over. You can tell she's pushing Carmen to Jenny, but at the same time, is bothered that Carmen kissed her awhile back. She even brings it up to Carmen, but then says it's no big deal, and goes back to promoting Jenny. Carmen gently tells her not to try and fix her up and leaves Shane sitting on the counter, contemplating what she said.

Veronica Bloom is back in all her glory with a black stretch limo, as she berates one of her assistants about a project. She tells him he's not the one for the job, that they need a real person just as Shane walks up. She tells him she needs the "hair girl" for the job, to which Shane says "fuck you." Eventually, she cajoles Shane into the limo, Shane talks the recalcitrant person into working with Veronica Bloom by sharing a bit of her past history, and Bloom gloats as they drive back to the studio. Although the character of Veronica Bloom is a bit over the top and majorly obnoxious, Camryn Manheim is doing a topnotch job in this role. She is simply outstanding!

The moment of truth comes for Bette and she finds out the Peabody Foundation has not given the CAC a dime of grant money. Cut to Tina's office at the Headquarters for Social Justice and they just found out the group received a $100,000 grant based on Tina's grant proposal! While thrilled, Tina scrolls down the screen, sees that the CAC didn't receive anything, and true to her nature, she calls Bette, concerned for her. She asks Bette if she's okay, and Bette, pissed off and upset, starts jumping all over Tina about going after the Peabody grant. She bitches Tina out, and said that Tina should have at least warned her, to which Tina responds that it's not always easy to tell her things. Bette cuts her off, tells her she's getting upset, and hangs up, throwing the phone across the room and screaming in anger. Where is a muzzle when you need one? Get a grip, Bette! God, you just want to put a muzzle on Bette and scream, "Everything that happens in the world is not about you!"

Tina gets a phone call that Helena Peabody is headed their way for a big media splash about the grant. Helena stalks in like a predatory lion, looking for Tina, and does the big splashy interview thing, but then starts flirting with Tina, talking about her pregnancy, her own children, etc. Helena is beautiful, but her personality is just so in-your-face, she's not very likable.

Finally, the moment we have all waited for! Alice and Dana are sitting on the floor, assembling bachelorette party gift bags when they start talking about when they first met each other and how they found each other attractive. Dana leans over to reach something, Alice is fixed on Dana's derrière, then says, "Dana, you have a really nice ass..." That's all it takes. They face one another and CeCe Peniston bursts into song with "Finally" as they fall into each others arms! The next few minutes are one of the most torrid lovemaking scenes I've ever witnessed as they frantically rip the clothing from each other, but at the same time, classic Dana and Alice, as they can't seem to get their clothes off. Poor Dana even falls off the couch as Alice pulls off her pants! Scenes cut to them making love in a variety of places, sitting in front of the refrigerator with whip cream and strawberries, among other things! Yum!

Cut to Tina's office, where Helena is again lurking. She invites Tina to dinner, but Tina declines because of the bachelorette party. During the middle of their discussion, Bette shows up with flowers and an apology. Tina's frustrated because she feels Bette thinks she can throw flowers at her and everything will be all right. Instead of shutting up, Bette argues back, then enters Helena. Bette sees right through her, asking what is going on, then Helena tells Tina she shouldn't be putting up with this kind of nonsense in her "condition." The light bulb finally goes off, and Bette asks, "What condition is that?"

Back to Alice and Dana, where the frantic pace of earlier has slowed down to a deeper, more meaningful moment as they lie naked, wrapped up in one another's arms, kissing deeply and looking into each other's eyes. You can truly feel the love, but it is not going to last for long. Keys rattling and noises outside alert them to the return of Tonya and her family! They scramble like crazy and the door opens to Tonya looking surprised! You just know she caught them! However, Alice and Tina are meekly sitting on the floor, the gift bags gathered around them, with their clothes on. How they managed to get dressed that quickly when it took so long to get them out of their clothes, I'll never know! Anyway, they sit there grinning, Tonya walks off to get something, and the two guilty culprits desperately try to remove the handcuffs that Alice has on! Again, another great laugh-out-loud moment!

We knew it had to happen. Jenny's back writing, this time the word "Monstrosity" in big letters across her notepad. Another carnival flashback scene with characters who are hideously grotesque. I know these scenes are supposed to have meaning, but the writers need to give a little bit of reveal if they want them to hold any interest for the viewer. As they are, they're just quite irritating. Please, no more flashbacks!

Banging on the door. Jenny goes to see who it is, and Bette storms in, quite upset. She asks if Jenny knew about Tina, to which she answers yes, and Jenny, shocked, asks "You didn't know?" Bette goes off on a tangent, berating herself for being such a selfish, self-centered person whom Tina must hate for keeping this from her. Jenny comforts Bette, telling her not to give up, and give Tina time. Wise advice, if only Bette can keep her mouth shut long enough to do it.

We cut to Tonya and Dana's bachelorette party, where Dana's mother, Sharon, is looking quite uncomfortable. Remember, Sharon didn't take well to Dana's revelation about her sexuality last season mainly because, unbeknownst to Dana, Sharon had her own Sapphic leanings when she was younger. Sharon stands up to toast the couple, speaking of the love between Tonya and Dana, just as Alice walks in to listen and is crushed by what she hears. Dana embraces her Mom, smiling broadly for everyone until her eyes fall on Alice, and then Dana, too, loses her smile. Alice looks heartbroken and starts to leave until Shane catches her. Shane gently inquires, then Alice breaks down and admits she and Dana were together. She then spends the evening trying to avoid Dana. Awww, your heart just breaks for Alice.

Back at Jenny and Shane's, we see Mark and scuzball Gomey installing hidden cameras all over their house with the intent to catch as much lesbian sex as they can possibly get on film. Ugh! Disgusting!

At the bachelorette party, Bette and Jenny come together, and Bette questions everyone, asking if they knew about Tina's pregnancy. Of course, they all did, so Bette's pretty down. She glances over and who walks in? Tina and Helena. She does make a little scene by confronting the two of them, telling Helena she doesn't go where she's not wanted, and Tina says "What makes you think she's not wanted?" At this point, she decides the only good thing that can come of things is to just get drunk, which she proceeds to do.

Tonya finally corners Alice and makes her do a toast as Dana's best friend. She walks to the stage, nervously looking at Dana and Tonya. You can simply feel Alice's heart breaking as she begins to speak: "I've known Dana a longtime, and I guess, like most things that are right in front of your eyes, you don't see just how wonderful they are until they're gone. Um...Tonya...um...you are the luckiest woman on Earth. To my friend, what can I say? Congratulations...I love you." Heartbreak, total heartbreak.

Bette watches Helena and Tina dance while Alice watches Dana and Tonya. God, what heartbreak tonight! Alice tries to talk Bette into leaving, but Bette decides she has something to say to the happy couple. Let's make that a toast to the couple, but directed to Tina. She interrupts the music and says, "I lift my glass to caring, kindness, and trust...longevity...and respect to all the things you need to keep your love alive. I wish you happiness and I hope that you forever spare each other pain. And if you find that isn't possible, then I wish you forgiveness." She looks at Tina, and as the song "Come on Home to Me" plays in the background, she walks away. As Helena moves in to comfort Tina, Tina simply looks at Bette's retreating figure with longing.

And last, but not least, we are left with Mark and his video cameras, watching Shane as she brings a girl into her room to have sex. Here with go with the voyeurism. Again, ugh.

In all, Labyrinth was an excellent episode. For the Dana / Alice lovers out there, a culmination of their feelings for one another. For Bette and Tina fans, hold on a little longer because it appears Helena Peabody is going to definitely be a force to be reckoned with. Don't miss the next episode which features guest stars Sandra Bernhard back in her role as Charlotte Birch, and Melissa Rivers.

The O.C. — Goodbye Alex
We knew it was coming, but didn't make it anymore pleasant. In fact, the way the creators handled the exit of Alex, resident lesbian on The O.C., was not handled very well at all.

In the beginning of Marissa (Mischa Barton) and Alex's courtship, we saw a supremely independent, confident person in Alex, a young woman Marissa found herself drawn to despite the fact she had never had feelings for another woman. The Ryan and Marissa romance had long ago petered out, and Ryan was lost in his brooding over Lindsey. No mention of a Ryan/Marissa rekindling, even though we knew it had to happen since it was an anchor to the show. Marissa seemed to validate her relationship with Alex, even telling Julie, her mother about it and moving in with Alex. For the first time since the show debuted, Marissa actually seemed happy and not drunk...a major step for her!

Now comes the detour. Seth decides he's going to meddle and get them back together, hooking Ryan and Marissa up to work on a pep rally together. Summer threatens him not to interfere, but he does anyway. At one point, Alex even goes to Seth about Marissa, because she knows something isn't right. She pours out her heart, telling Seth she's really falling hard for Marissa, and instead of helping, Seth tells her about Marissa and Ryan "sleeping" together in the tent that night at the mall. Alex flies out of there in a rage, hurt that Marissa lied to her. Alex's character starts falling apart about right now.

Here's where the writers truly lost it. Alex becomes the typical stalker, violent lesbian who becomes ultra-jealous and possessive of her girlfriend, as she watches Ryan and Marissa awkwardly hug after working on the project. She confronts Ryan, shoving him several times, screaming to stay away from her girlfriend, not listening as he tries to tell her nothing happened. You have to give Ryan credit for not hitting her back, and he quietly tells her to "walk away." Alex and Marissa end up fighting over the tent issue, with Alex stalking off and Marissa looking upset.

Julie beseeches Ryan to help her with Marissa, to try and get her to come home. He doesn't want to, but eventually caves in to her demand. He goes to Alex's and forces his way in, Alex and he argue, and again Alex threatens him. He says bring it on, and she says she will. Then, snidely, he remarks that "if you have to try this hard, it's not working." While that may be true at times, when other people are deliberately trying to sabotage your relationship, that's just a bunch of bull! Please. What is Ryan now, Yoda? The O.C. Resident Relationship Wisdom Guru? Give me a break.


Cut to the bonfire where Ryan and Marissa are overseeing things. Alex walks up with two huge guys. At first, Marissa is happy to see her until Alex says the guys are there to see Ryan. Hey, you gotta admit, the girl has some guts about her! She brought it on, all right...two guys to beat the crap out of Ryan! Marissa tells her it is between the two of them, so they go off to talk. At first, they fight, Marissa saying she didn't think she had to give up her life just to be with Alex, Alex saying she just wants to be part of her life!


Eventually, they calm down and Alex cries, telling her she realizes she doesn't fit into Marissa's life and obviously Ryan does. Marissa swears nothing is going on, but Alex questions how long it will be before it does, to which Marissa says nothing. Then Alex says she's probably going to leave. Marissa looks stricken, but doesn't try and stop her. They hug, both emotional, but Alex looks truly brokenhearted. We have Alex apologizing to Ryan, then smiling at Marissa and walking off into the sunset. Two seconds later, Ryan has his arm around Marissa, asking if she's okay, and she's like, "I'm fine." Fine? You just broke up with your girlfriend and you're fine, ready to laugh and joke with your old boyfriend? You're flakier than I thought!

For such a great opportunity to show a really strong lesbian relationship, however briefly, on network television, the creators of The O.C. did a real disservice to the characters writing them off as they did. Alex deserved more than a psycho-lesbian portrayal, and Marissa at least deserved a half-hearted attempt at being a decent human being. Shame on Josh Schwartz and The O.C. for caving in like they did.

Lynch Pin, the fourth episode of The L Word, is a good, solid episode. While Loneliest Number was outstanding in its emotional depth and superb acting by Jennifer Beals, Lynch Pin introduces a couple of new characters who will bring lots of drama to our girls lives.

Lynch Pin introduces us to Helena Peabody, the daughter of Peggy Peabody. Peggy, beautifully played by Holland Taylor (The Practice, Legally Blonde) was introduced last season as the eccentric head of The Peabody Foundation, which funds several of Bette's projects at the California Arts Center (CAC). The episode opens with Helena sitting in what is obviously her therapist's office, and listening as her therapist, played by Mimi Kuzyk, explains why an indiscretion that obviously happened between them can never happen again. Eagle-eyed viewers will remember Kuzyk from Lost and Delirious. As the therapist explains that what happened was wrong and she could lose her license, Helena boldly walks over and begins seducing her. This personality glimpse suggests that Helena is someone who goes after what she wants, regardless of the consequences to anyone, and doesn't let much stand in her way. Since we know she will eventually pursue Tina, all I have to say is "look out, Bette!"

The gang, minus Bette, is gathered at The Planet as Alice offers one of her "what if?" questions. Today's question: What would you do if you had a penis for 24 hours? Shane's answer has to be the best of them all. She said she would pee standing up on every bush she could find! Crack me up, girl! And let's face it, we all would secretly love to pee standing up, right? :)

Bette is on a mission to New York to garner more grants and funding from Helena since Peggy is retiring from the Foundation. Upon her arrival, she finds Helena not quite as eager to fund the CAC's projects and more interested in chatting with her children than giving Bette the time she needs. Desperate, Bette goes to Peggy, who is in the middle of a massage with her new boy toy, a sweet young thing who doesn't speak a bit of English! She assures Bette that if Helena hasn't said no, then have faith. Given Bette's history of late, faith isn't a commodity she's got much of.

While in New York, we see Bette continue her downward spiral. Depressed and alone, she goes to a bar where she proceeds to get very drunk, then pick up some strange woman, taking her back to the hotel for sex. They proceed to have sex (how, I'll never know since Bette was swaying so much when she walked in the room), then the scene cuts to the morning after, as Bette sits by the window, looking at the stranger while contemplating her life. Poor Bette. She definitely is being fed "poo sandwiches" by the writers!

Jenny and Shane are in the midst of trying to find a third roommate to share the rent of Tim's house. In a hilarious sequence, they go through quite a few interesting characters: Feef, a young girl who wants to be a TV star; a authoritarian-like woman who wants to make a bunch of rules; the church-going girl who freaks when she suspects they are lesbians and offers a pamphlet to help them get over being gay; and the nudist. Then there's Mark. The last guy they interview comes complete with a video camera and a whole lot more: six months of rent, first and last month's, security deposit, the whole nine yards. They agree and Mark, played by Eric Lively, becomes their third roommate. As we know from previews, Mark becomes much more than a roommate with his predilection for filming people unawares. Mark's a major scumbag in my opinion. It has been read in several spots that the only reason they added the character of Mark is because Showtime heads wanted a male character for the straight women who watch the show. Please, give me a break! Do you think straight women are going to like this guy?! Get a clue!

For as intelligent a character as Tina was in the first season, she's a bit clueless this time around. Must be all those pregnancy hormones. Her smarmy lawyer, Joyce Wishnia, replete in men's clothing once again, helps Tina take inventory of Bette's house while Bette's away in New York. As a way to express her gratitude, Tina brings her an orchid, and smarmy lawyer Joyce decides she'll say "thank you" by seducing Tina. Only she just doesn't attempt, nor does she seem to take no for an answer. She forces herself on Tina and only Tina pushing her off several times seems to get the message across. Eww! Not only is this woman smarmy, but she's a predator! Later, we see Tina leaving the house, so I'm assuming she's leaving Joyce's guest house for destinations unknown. I only hope this is the last we see of smarmy lawyer woman!

The writers once again show Jenny at her computer, writing a story for what we assume is Charlotte Birch's class. Once again they have interspersed the writing with a flashblack scene at a carnival or fair. Good grief! Please, what is the point of this? Jenny's writing is not Shakespeare or Dante. Hell, it's not even Grisham or King on one of their bad days! We don't need two or three minutes of weird background footage to know we hate Jenny's writing scenes. If they insist on showing this rubbish, could they at least give us a semi-explanation of what the hell it is? Yes, we know it deals with Jenny's feelings and her past, blah, blah, blah. Face it folks, her past is not that damn interesting. Find something else to do with Jenny, please!

The tension is growing between Dana and Alice. This time we find them at an amusement park. Tonya has so kindly fixed Alice up with Chris, who just happens to be a guy, and Dana doesn't like it! Alice has to go to the bathroom (does Alice pee a lot or what?!) and Dana follows, confronting her for flirting with Chris. Poor Alice, frustrated by her feelings and the inability to do anything about them, vehemently asks Dana, "What do you want from me?!" Dana stares at her for a moment, then backs Alice up and kisses her soundly, not a word spoken. The sparks between these two are getting hotter!

Worried about succeeding at The Planet, Kit enrolls in a seminar hosted by Benjamin Bradshaw, played by Charles S. Dutton. The interaction between Kit and Bradshaw, while minimal, hints at a possible love interest. Personally, I hope not as they need to give Kit a little bit of time after Ivan before jumping into something else. And I also hope they don't cut Pam Grier's part as much as they did this time. Kit was a very minor character in this episode, and while I realize it's tough to get such a large ensemble cast enough time for everyone, Kit is kinda like the glue that holds everyone together. She's the moral, stable center.

Shane has taken her hairdressing skills to the movies, where she impresses and pisses off the studio head, Veronica Bloom, all at the same time, calling her "a crazy bitch," not knowing Bloom can hear her. Played by Emmy and Golden Globe winner, Camryn Manheim (The Practice), Bloom insults Shane's intelligence and appearance, then offers her a job. This should be an interesting story arc and anything with Camryn Manheim in it is guaranteed to be a pleaser.

Shane has also offered to ask Carmen over for Jenny so they can get together. Strange, very strange. An impromptu party breaks out with Shane, Jenny, Carmen, and a bunch of other girls. Perusing their movies, Carmen discovers a Bridget Bardot collection, which she and Jenny bond over once Carmen finds out it's hers....just another hook to bring those two together. While Shane's totally okay having Carmen over while she gets it on with another girl, Carmen has a bit of a problem watching and leaves abruptly. The impromptu party spills over into Bette's yard and the girls go for a skinny dip in the pool, while Mark and his scummy friend, Gomey, take a peek.

As the episode draws to a close, Mark sits and talks with Jenny, asking whether she's gay or not. She doesn't quite answer him directly, asking instead why he knows those other girls are gay and she isn't. He says it has to do with something they exude, which I can take, and their haircuts, which was stereotypically expected, but still a disappointing answer. This prompts Jenny to make a decision, and after everyone leaves, she asks Shane to cut her hair. Guess Jenny's gonna make herself a lesbian after all. Just, please God, no mullet!

Don't miss next week's episode, Labyrinth, which finally brings the sexual tension between Alice and Dana to a head as they fall into each others arms just as Tonya walks in, Bette finds out exactly what kind of opponent Helena is, and just what Tina's been hiding. Remember, The L Word, Sundays on Showtime, 10/9c.

Don't forget to visit the rest of OutLook where we have a ton of new book reviews, movie reviews, and more. Read the book that Sandra Bernhard (Charlotte Birch, The L Word) says is "sexy and fun!" (sample chapters available online). Check out the new reviews by Arlene Germain, see what Sundance Channel has in store for this month, and don't forget the world premiere of D.E.B.S., the new movie about crime-fighting women who happen to love other women!

Until next time....

The L Word has hit its stride! The third episode of the second season, Loneliest Number is by far the best episode yet. Jam-packed full of emotionally charged moments, as well as a few eye-opening reveals, and laugh-out-loud moments make Loneliest Number the best of the season.

The episode opens with a dream fantasy scene in the jungle. Alice is at her laptop (a Mac, by the way!), typing the same little rhyme over and over about Dana being her friend, when suddenly, "Tonya of the Jungle" appears, replete in sexy jungle kitten outfit, letting Alice know "she knows" and she expects something for knowing. She grabs Alice, kisses her, then drops between her legs and snarls, "I'm starving!" But, right before she plunges in, she looks up and it's Dana's face! Alice shoots up from bed, startled at the dream she just had! Great opening.

Jennifer Beals was simply outstanding this episode. As Bette, the wayward cheater, she is being fed the most emotionally charged scripts of any of the cast members ("Poo sandwiches" according to Beals) thus far. As we watch her downward spiral after being caught cheating, we see a side of Bette we've never seen before: vulnerable, not sure of herself, lost. As their segment opens, she and her lawyer are faced with Tina and her cigar-smoking, predatory lawyer Joyce. Bette's trying to make the best offer she possibly can to Tina in hopes that she will see how much Bette still loves her and wants her back. The pushy cigar lady sees differently, however, and goads Bette, stating it's a "final separation" they're looking at, and reminding her endlessly how she was the one who screwed up the relationship. Bette ignores the lawyer and makes a direct plea to Tina, asking her if she still loves her. The lawyer cuts Bette off and actually attempts to physically manhandle her, ending the meeting with a rude comment about rescheduling when there is less drama. I know lawyers are always portrayed as ruthless, cold sharks, but this woman is worse than a pit of vipers. Not only is she cold and calculating, but I do believe she failed to attend her Ethics classes during law school. She gives new meaning to the word unprincipled.

Bette leaves the meeting, lost in thought, and as so often happens when we're preoccupied with life, has an accident. The guy she hits is a loose cannon, screaming and pounding on her window, telling her she'll be a sorry bitch! Well, Bette snaps, grabs him by the lapels, and screams back at him, "What makes you think I'm not already?!" During this electric moment, Beals is simply outstanding! Let's talk Emmy here, people! Jennifer Beals has some acting chops!

Jenny's actually not too irritating in this episode. Seeing her go toe-to-toe with Sandra Bernhard as the tough writing instructor is great. Bernhard is at her best being a bitch, and Jenny actually has a bit of backbone and stands up to her. Way to go, Jenny. They're bringing back the Jenny that I originally liked: sweet, innocent, good to others, curious about life. She sees Bette at her worst and actually comforts her, even though Bette wasn't to her when she was going through the drama with Tim and Marina. Finally, the writers have done something with Jenny other than making her extremely irritating and unappealing. Although, they did have to put at least one scene of her writing in there. Okay, let her write, but for God's sake, stop the corny flashbacks!

Shane and Carmen. What to say? If I was Carmen, I would have already said see ya later, loser! After having sex, Carmen attempts to engage Shane in pillow talk. Shane lies there like an mute, not answering any of her questions or engaging in any type of normal human behavior. Instead, she bolts like a frightened mouse, saying she's going out. Later on in the episode, Shane seems to have a problem with seeing Carmen kiss Jenny (which was surprising to me, too). Hmm, I would think what's good for the goose is good for the gander, right? Jenny made a comment during this episode that makes a lot of sense about Shane. She said, "You remind me of some of the guys in high school." And she does. Wants the bootie, but doesn't want anyone else to have it.

Don't get me wrong. I like Shane. She's one of the more fair people on the show, refusing to choose sides between Bette and Tina, encouraging Alice to keep secrets instead of blab to everyone, and in all, a decent person. But good God does this woman need a relationship counselor! It should be interesting to see what has brought her to this moment and why she reacts the way she does. I know the fling with Cheri Jaffe hurt her, but it didn't make her this emotionally distant and afraid of relationships.

Dana and Alice are still struggling with their attraction, except this time maybe Dana's eyes are being opened a little bit about the gold-digging Tonya. Dana walks into a luncheon with all these corporate big wigs, only to find out Tonya is selling their wedding for big bucks. Oh, and is taking 15% off the top as her manager, too. When confronted with the money, Tonya does a turnaround, asking if she's not doing enough. Poor wishy-washy Dana lets it go, and they make up. But at least the idea has been planted that Tonya's not as innocent and good as she has let on. Now if they would just catch her being a gold-digger! Meredith McGeachie is an excellent actress to play someone so despised. And gorgeous to boot!

The best part of Dana and Alice is at the re-opening of The Planet. Tonya corners poor Alice on the dance floor, telling her she knows what's wrong with her since Dana and Alice are being so snippy with one another. As the whole dance scene plays out, Dana dances around Alice, rubbing up against her and basically just having a ball while poor Alice is so flustered she can't hardly speak! This scene was laugh-out-loud funny! When Alice simply couldn't take anymore, she bolted, saying she had to pee! Dana was right behind her! Alas, Tonya grabbed Dana at the last minute, preventing what would have been a torrid make-out session in the bathroom between Dana and Alice.

The Planet reopens with Kit at the helm. The lesbian group, Betty, just happens to drop in and perform. Why they didn't pick one of these songs as the opening to TLW, I'll never know, as Betty sounded pretty good tonight. We got to hear the lovely voice of Pam Grier tonight, too, as Kit sings during the show for the first time. Great way to relaunch The Planet. Should be interesting to see if Ivan remains Kit's silent partner or if they bring him back later in the season.

Tina drops over to Bette's house to pick up some stuff while Bette's out and instead finds herself making Bette's unmade bed. After holding Bette's pillow and crying, she feels the need to read Bette's email. Hmm....bad idea, Tina! Yes, Bette cheated on you, but that doesn't give you a right to go snooping in her private email. So, of course, you know there had to be an email from Candace, the carpenter, complete with picture. Only thing is, it looks like the carpenter snapped the pic while Bette was asleep. Creepy. Yes, that would hurt seeing that, but anyone in their right mind would know it was taken without Bette's permission. Of course, Tina leaves the laptop on the bed so Bette can see it when she comes in, which she does, as well as a closet full of empty hangers. After seeing it, Bette walks into the pool, fully clothed, and just lies in the water. I'd be more worried about Bette being the one to attempt suicide than Marina.

Speaking of Marina, did any eagle-eyed viewers catch the emails in Bette's in-box from Marina? What are the producers doing now...creating a character like Maris from Frasier...spoken about but never seen?! :)

The next episode, Lynch Pin, introduces to new characters: Helena Peabody (Rachel Shelley), a woman who will eventually romance Tina, and Mark, the scumbag videographer roommate to Shane and Jenny. Special guest star will be Camryn Manheim of The Practice fame and Charles S. Dutton. Also, looks like Dana and Alice will finally put their friendship on the line. Stay tuned! If this episide is any indication, it's only going to get better from here! Until next time...

Okay, before you think I'm going to write something dirty here, let me clarify that "Lap Dance" is the title of The L Word's second episode. So get your mind outta the gutter! :)

First let me say what I loved about the episode. The continuing tension between Alice and Dana is reaching epic proportions. I mean, they crack me up! Dana walks into the bathroom where Alice is trying to get a grip to her growing attraction to Dana, and the dialogue goes something like this:

ALICE: What are you doing? You can't be in here! Get out of here!
DANA: I have to go to the bathroom, Al!
ALICE: What? You can't wait?! Are you three?

Cracks me up everytime I watch it! Of course, Dana has to walk past Alice to get to the stall, and the sexual tension between them is so palpable you can feel it! Dana reaches up, caresses Alice's cheek...! Needless to say, as their lips get close, Terrible Tonya walks in and breaks things up. Good grief, I can't stand that character! The enduring storyline between Alice and Dana is great, though. I just hope, if they become involved, that the writers don't have them wrecking their friendship over it.

Although I do love TLW, there were parts of this episode that really bugged the hell out of me. For starters, is Shane truly that crude to think she can explain her "I don't do relationships" mantra to Carmen, then say, "We could still f**k" to her and Carmen would agree? Sad thing is, she did and Carmen responded with the witty rejoiner: "You want to f**k me?" then they proceeded to get it on. God, that made my head hurt! For a character who has been portrayed as being straight up and not a game player, Carmen sure has been a player thus far.

Next up, Tina's new lawyer. What is up with portraying stereotypes? The pushy lawyer smoking a pipe, sitting like a man, legs spread, tossing balls at a uterus wall hanging? Funny, most of my lawyer friends are non-pipe-smoking and don't have a uterus hanging on their office walls.

Best stereotype they've done so far: A garage full of butch mechanics! While that's not impossible, please, tell me the last time you went to a garage and all the mechanics were lesbians?! Hey, everyone said they wanted to see more butches on the show, so let's make sure every heterosexual who watches the show thinks that all lesbians look and act like men. And let's portray every butch as a diesel dyke, too. I mean, come on....gotta reinforce those stereotypes, right?

As for Kit and Ivan (Pam Grier and Kelly Lynch), I'm confused. Ivan's continued anger at Kit, without an explanation, bugs me. I still don't understand what s/he was so mad about when Kit walked in on her in a state of undress. I mean, if you didn't want to risk someone walking in on you, don't give 'em a damn key, okay? Ivan coming in as Kit's silent partner to The Planet was cool, though. I like the character of Ivan, just hope the writer's don't write her with such a stick up her butt that she loses her appeal. Kelly Lynch has done an outstanding job portraying Ivan as a transgendered character. Kudos to her!

Bette and Tina's continuing saga is distressing. Tina's stepped out to see a lawyer (see above) and wants her "autonomy." But when she closes her eyes, all she sees and hears is Bette. You just want them to be able to put it all behind them, but that wouldn't make good television, we know. I actually feel sorry for Bette at this point. She screwed up and she knows it. Unfortunately, all her friends seem to have abandoned her except for the outcast Jenny and Shane. Here Shane seems to shine as she stands beside Bette, yet doesn't abandon Tina. That's a true friend—one who can be there and not pick sides.

Jenny's trying to get into the class of an acclaimed instructor, played beautifully by Sandra Bernhard. If they don't quit showing all these black-and-white flashbacks of Jenny's childhood as she writes, I think I'll start throwing popcorn at the screen! God, give the woman something else to do besides write. She can't write, folks! Give her a storyline, please!

Here's the best skewer of a character I've ever seen. We all know Marina supposedly tried to off herself in the season premiere. Kit's trying to buy the planet and is scheduled to meet Marina's "Daddy" to complete the deal. The "Daddy" Count Ferrer shows up, a flaming queen no less, looking down his nose at all Americans. Bette and Kit inquire as to how his daughter is, and he indignantly tells them Marina is not his daughter, Marina is his wife of 12 years!!! Oh my God—Marina's married! To a flaming queen no less! Good grief! Oh, and explain to me exactly how he is the one they need to buy out, when last season it was Francesca the one who needed to be bought out for The Planet. Someone doing continuity on the show needs a refresher course in maintaining the storyline. Get with it people.....the fans pay attention!

I have to say, I am quite disappointed in the way they handled Marina's departure. Given the problems they supposedly had with Karina Lombard, I don't know if it was just "let's screw her character" or what. But the writers/producers took one of the most incredible characters, who also happened to be one of the most popular, and portrayed her as a cheating, conniving, bisexual woman married to a man (the Count) for 12 years, who has a sugar mamma on the side (Francesca), and who is so emotionally unstable she tries to off herself over a little twit of a girl (Jenny). Sheesh!

All said, I still love TLW and plan to tune in next week to see what happens.

Until then, have a good one!