random musings

Just when you thought it was safe to come in from the water! Luminous, episode seven of The L Word, starts out with a dream writing sequence! Aarrggh! The good news? It wasn't one of Jenny's carnival scenes. The bad news? The unknown writer is actually worse than Jenny! This scene includes Charlotte Birch, Hunter, and Jenny in a bad French short, complete with subtitles! You knew it had to have Jenny at some point, didn't you? Thankfully, it only lasts a few seconds and then the good part of TLW starts!

We open with Alice and Dana cuddling in bed, with the camera hovering above and moving in slowly. Nice camera work, ladies! They are discussing the fact they need to tell their friends that they're a couple now. Alice brings up how the dynamic of a group of friends changes once two friends become girlfriends, with the "If we invite Alice, do we have to invite Dana now?" to which Dana looks a bit peeved, saying "Thanks a lot, Al." Even though Alice is right on the money because it does change things, it's still a funny bit. Especially seeing Dana's reaction.

Over at Tim's old house, Mark and Jenny are sitting outside, discussing Shane. Mark is still intrigued with the power that Shane holds over women and is grilling Jenny about it: What is it? Is it sex? What did Carmen say about sex with Shane? Crude questions that Jenny finds insulting and she tells Mark that he's even weirder than she is. Not sure if that's possible, but if the comment fits...

Next we find Tina in bed with Dragon Lady...uh...Helena. They're having a cozy time of it when the door bursts open and in comes Helena's children! Tina looks incredibly freaked out as she gathers the covers over her naked body, all the while Helena reassures her it is okay. Tina argues that it's not okay, but Helena cuts her off, stating that her children have a very healthy attitude.... Tina cuts in and tells her it's not okay, they shouldn't be seeing this and that it freaked her out. Helena responds, "Children are sexual creatures, this is totally natural." Tina retorts, "It's not natural for them to see their mother fucking someone they barely know." Right on, Tina! What kind of mother lets their children walk in while they're in bed, having or preparing to have, sex with anyone?! Bad mother, Helena, bad mother! Helena scowls and tells Tina that she's not a parent, that she's been doing this for awhile; basically the same stuff Bette used to do: put Tina down or belittle her. Then she switches subjects and tells Tina if she's "good" she'll let her know what she has in store for her this weekend. What? Is Tina five?! Tina responds that she has a workshop this weekend and can't. Then Helena drops the bomb. She tells Tina she's already spoke to her employees, Pat and Hilma, and told them they could handle it without Tina. Tina is stunned, and from the look on her face, struggling to keep her composure. She's pissed! Keep up the alpha bitch act, Helena, and Tina will be sending you to join Bette's!

Over at the CAC, Bette strolls into Leo Herrera's office. He's the new guy in charge of fundraising, and also a buddy of Helena Peabody. Bette is extremely professional with him, icy and cold, but professional. He decides they need to "clear the air" and wants her to sit down to talk with him. Right off the bat, he lets her know they "need" Helena Peabody. Not a good way to keep the peace, Leo. As he blathers on, you can see Bette's face tightening, until he drops the big one. He tells Bette he saw her ex-, Tina, the other night with Helena and that "they are so excited about the baby." You have to admire Bette's style. She smiles a tight smile, then leaves his office. She's better than me. I think I would have smacked him! Going into her office, she calls Tina and at first is rude: "Hi, it's Bette. And I would really love it if you could return some of my phone calls." Then she softens. "I know you really don't want to deal with this right now, but I have to have some kind of resolution before the baby is born. Please call me." Yes, Tina, please call her! Geez, Bette screwed up, okay? She's begging here!

Over at the movie studio, we find Veronica Bloom throwing another temper tantrum. Are all Hollywood producers this immature and unprofessional? She berates her staff, throws things at them, then screams for them all to leave, except for poor Shane, of course. Yoda, I mean Shane, asks if she can get Veronica anything, and Veronica despondently asks her why people always let her down. She asks Shane how she can prevent that. Shane says that's why she tries not to need anything from anyone. Veronica asks Shane to teach her that. Then she decides they're going to go make themselves feel better. Man, this woman has multiple personalities, I swear! Shane, run for your life. She's nuts!

As we have come to expect, Jenny is writing. Badly. Again. This time, the article is called "Luminous." Real original, writers! Anyway, a little girl goes to the circus looking for the Fabulous Venus de Mylar. Instead, she finds a grungy old guy looking rather hung-over. He goes back into his tiny trailer and comes back out in his wig and platform shoes. She introduces herself: Dee Dee Steinberg, as they sit and talk. She tells him wants to join the carnival, that she doesn't belong anywhere, and everyone thinks she's a freak. He asks if she has talent, so she pulls up her dress and shows him. He says "Holy Bejesus...but it will never fly in Peoria" just as the camera cuts to Jenny reading her story in Charlotte Birch's writing class. Birch asks for critiques, so Hunter begins to offer his opinion. He praises Jenny profusely, to which Charlotte Birch seems a bit miffed. Hunter is, after all, the student she is boffing. She engages in a tête-à-tête with Hunter, sitting on his desk, as the rest of the class rolls their eyes, Jenny included. Boring. Oh, and Jenny? That's what we normally look like when you're writing, so get a clue!

We cut back to Shane as she watches Veronica Bloom in the midst of what appears to be an incredibly painful chemical peel. If beauty is only skin deep, I doubt if Veronica has anything left after this torturous ordeal! Ouch! She's trying to convince Shane that she could be a lesbian. (No, we don't want her!) Shane tells her that women are intense. A lot of work. That they can suck you dry. (Boy, Shane, are you ever right! You hit it on the money!) Veronica doesn't care. Then she tells Shane to stick with her, that she has lots of potential, and if she sticks with her, she'll help her realize it. Like I said, Shane. Run!!!!

Bette drops into Leigh Ostin's art studio, an artist who makes glass mobiles, and also happens to be a lesbian. As Bette gathers her courage, you know she's getting ready to ask the artist out. Bette begins telling her about a performance at The Planet by Sharon Isbin, a renowned classical guitarist in real life, and invites her to go, telling her it would be a rather intimate gathering. Just as she does, the woman's girlfriend walks out and Leigh asks if she can come, too. Poor Bette. Finally gets the nerve up to do something and the woman has a girlfriend. Isn't that what always happens?! As always, though, Bette handles it with style and grace.

Since Dana is supposed to be a professional tennis player, we actually find her working out a little. She and Alice are jogging, talking about their "coming out" event at The Planet, both agreeing that it's really important they tell everyone at the same time. Dana asks about Shane already knowing and Alice responds with, "Yeah, but Shane didn't tell anyone. She's the only one who can keep a secret." You got that right. For all the screwed up stuff in Shane's head, she's about the most honorable one when it comes to being true and honest with her friends. Unless you fall in love with her, of course. Then all bets are off.

Cut to Helena's place where her kids being served by a butler with their nanny, watching cartoons. Does she ever pay attention to her own kids?! Tina comes in bringing paints, popsicle sticks, and encourages them to create instead of going cross-eyed watching cartoons. Amen, sister! Helena walks in about then and tells them that "Nu Nu will build a fort with you. Tina has to come and spend a little time with Mama." Gag me, please! Helena takes Tina out on the balcony and starts putting the moves on Tina, even though Tina protests that Helena's kids are right inside. Helena says they're occupied with the gifts Tina brought as she begins to pull up Tina's dress. Sorry, but this woman is so not appropriate! Her kids could look out the window for God's sake!

Next, we see a woman getting out of a cab and entering Helena's building. She comes strolling in to the tune of "Mommy, Mommy" from Helena's kids. Uh-oh, it's the ex-girlfriend and she looks pissed! The ex- walks out onto the balcony and stands there, watching Helena go down on Tina. Slowly, Tina's head turns to the right, she sees the ex-, and tries to push Helena's head away from her. Helena looks up, wipes her mouth, then proceeds to introduce the woman: "Tina, this is my ex-, Winnie Mann." Oh, my god! I would have just died!

Back at The Planet, classical guitarist Sharon Isbin, is performing. Kit tells Bette that Benjamin hooked her up with Sharon, and that he also sent her this big, beautiful bouquet of flowers. Not much for Kit in this episode.

On to the drama. Winnie and Helena are fighting. It appears that Helena violated the court order and didn't return the kids to Winnie on time. Tina walks into the middle of it. Helena tries to make her stay, but Winnie tells her it is between she and Helena and that Tina would be well advised not to get involved. Tina doesn't really look too thrilled to be there, gets some stuff, and starts to take off. Helena tries to involve her, telling her she's a witness, but Tina won't have any of it. Smart girl! Never get into a fight between ex-lovers in a custody battle. Yikes! Helena tells Tina not to be intimidated by Winnie, but Winnie says, "No, do. Because when it comes to my children, nobody, not even Helena Peabody can stand in my way!" On that note, Tina leaves. Whew! Lesbian drama to the nth degree!

We get to see Veronica Bloom's house and man, I want to be a producer. It's awesome, especially that curved staircase! Anyway, Shane is getting medication for Veronica, and slips a bottle of Oxycontin in her pocket. She takes the meds to Veronica, who looks like she wrestled with a sunlamp and lost. Veronica tells Shane to take a Xanax, but Shane declines, saying she did see some Oxy. So Veronica tells her to take the whole bottle, which she already has, and then tells her to get in bed with her. "We'll get fucked up and watch Funny Girl," says Veronica. Shane says thanks, but she has to go. Veronica tells her she's not leaving. Shane says, "Yes, I am." What? Are they five? "No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not...." Sheesh! Back and forth they go until Veronica says she's paying her and she'll do what she says, to which Shane responds, fuck you, and walks off to Veronica screaming at her all the way down the stairs. At least Shane doesn't let anyone tell her what to do, even if they are paying her. Good for you, Shane.

Back at The Planet, Sharon Isbin tells Kit her sister is a beautiful woman and to introduce her...in six months. Kit responds she's a smart woman. No kidding! Never, ever get involved with a woman on the rebound! Alyson Palmer from the rock group Betty, walks over to Bette and informs her that a group of women at the bar are meat-tagging Bette like nobody's business! Bette looks a bit confused until her friends explain what meat tagging is. In case you're lost, just imagine being at a grocery store and looking at the tags on meat. Hamburgers cheap. Filet mignon is not...and we all know what cut Bette is! Kit comes over to Bette to tell her that Sharon Isbin thinks she's all that, and next thing you know, here comes another girl, telling Bette that her friend thinks Bette is cute and she'd like to be her "rebound girlfriend." Bette asks if the offer has an expiry date, so the girl said she'd find out for her and scampers off. Looking totally freaked, Bette stares at Kit, and Kit says, "You're being pimped!" That cracked me up! Guess Bette's finding out what it is to be back on the market.

Dana and Alice are in the car, talking about telling their friends. Dana says that nothing's really changed, they still hang out with each other day and night, only now they have the addition of "absolutely incredibly, mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex." Then they both sit there with absolutely hilarious grins on their faces and we know what's fixing to happen next. Alice pulls over, says "come here" and they have a little quickie in the car. These two crack me up!

At The Planet, Carmen is DJing, showing Jenny how to set up songs and such, discussing how amazing it is watching all those people on the dance floor, getting really hot and sweat, how they feel the crowd, their energy, etc. Boring. Moving on.

Tina walks in and immediately sees Bette surrounded by women. Kit comes up, tells her to go on over, that Bette's getting rid of them. Tina asks what they want, and Kit responds, "Filet Mignon" to Tina's confusion. She goes over and sits down by Bette, apologizing for not calling, then asks Bette if they can talk after this weekend. Bette says okay. Good, ladies, good. Now just don't say anything else so you don't screw it up!


Carmen's showing Jenny how to mix songs, kissing on her, and wouldn't you know, here comes Shane. She sees them and freezes. Jenny and Carmen turn, looking directly at Shane, and the look on Carmen's face is all you need. She's so into Shane it's not funny. Shane bolts while Jenny watches the emotions roll over Carmen. Hmm...get a clue, Jenny. Carmen's in love with Shane and although Shane doesn't want to admit it, it appears the feeling is mutual. Give it up already!

Dana and Alice walk in, ready to make their announcement to everyone. Carmen pulls a spotlight on them, and announces the "happy new couple in the house...give it up for Alice and Dana." Guess it wasn't much of a secret, eh girls? They stand there, glowing as new couples do, then begin to dance to a sexy song by Shirley Bassey, "Where Do I Begin (Love Story)?" (from The L Word Soundtrack, Season 2) to the tune of the theme from Love Story. As the song plays, the lyrics of "Where do I begin of how fragile love can be, the sweet love story that's a legacy..." fill the air, the camera cuts to Tina looking at Bette with longing. Come on, Tina! Get a clue. You still love her...drop the Dragon Lady and get back with the one who has your heart. Love is fragile, Tina, and a love like you and Bette only comes around once in a lifetime.

In a bit of an awkward segue, we're suddenly back at Tim's old house, where Carmen and Jenny are once again attempting to get it on. And guess who walks in? Yep. Shane. With two girls in tow. Well, there goes the mood for that! Carmen gets very upset seeing Shane with the girls, Jenny asks what was that? And Carmen responds that she doesn't want to know. Then she tells Jenny, "Let's just take a breather, and then we can visit it again in the cool, clear light of day." Jenny says she understands, kisses her, then walks off. Jenny, get a clue. Carmen obviously has feelings for Shane and no amount of understanding is going to change that.

Unbeknownst to everyone, Mark is watching the action in Shane's room, where the two girls are frolicking on Shane's bed. Only Shane's not having any of it, instead collapsing over in what appears to be frustration. As Mark rewinds and watches it, over and over, you can tell that Shane is crying. Okay, maybe you can't tell that. But if you turn on subtitles on your TV, you can read "sniffing" so you know Shane is crying. Oh, my god! Last time Shane cried, she was in the midst of getting her heart broken by her Hollywood wife. Not again, Shane, not again!

Next day, Carmen shows up at Jenny's. "Would you say that this is the cool, clear light of day?" asks Carmen. Jenny invites her in. Carmen tries to explain. "Um...I've been trying to figure this out. I don't know why...I left last night. I really wish I hadn't." Jenny responds, "I think because you like Shane." Carmen shakes her head. "I'm not someone who falls for fucked-up, unavailable people." Jenny says, "I don't think we have a choice in the people that we fall for, Carmen." At that, Carmen makes a decision. She stands, removes her top, unbuttons her pants. Jenny falls back on the bed as Carmen climbs on top of her, straddling her. Jenny scratches her. Carmen scratches back. Jenny slaps. Carmen slaps back. What the hell?! Back and forth this goes, until Carmen pins Jenny's arms backs and stretches out on top of her, as a solitary tear runs down Jenny's face. If anyone figures this part out, please let me know because that whole sequence had me scratching my head. Weird! I know it's all tied into Jenny's carnival flashbacks, her past, and all that, but this is just too weird.

Next day, we find Tina at the beach for the workshop she had planned. Guess she decided to stand up to Helena after all. Good for you. Helena pulls up and Tina says she's surprised to see her, figuring her to be mad for Tina walking out. Helena tries to explain about the kids, how she wants to give them something wonderful to take back to New York when they're not together. Tina tells her that Winnie wasn't being completely unreasonable because Helena did violate the custody agreement. Then Helena launches into this spiel of how when she and Winnie always said that even though Winnie gave birth, they both equally conceived of their son. They talked about it, planned it, Helena helped bring this family into existence. Helena has just given the best argument she could possibly for Bette with regards to the current situation and Tina's pregnancy. Way to go, chickie! As Helena walks off to work with the kids, Tina picks up the phone and calls Bette, telling her they need to talk about "our baby." Yea!!!!! It's about time!

Shane's passed out on the couch as the phone rings. Jenny answers and it's Veronica Bloom for Shane. Shane tells her to "kiss my ass." Jenny tells her she's not available, and tells Shane that Veronica Bloom wants her to call please. Carmen's listening to all of this, not knowing who Veronica Bloom is, and mistakenly assuming it's another woman Shane has jilted instead of Shane's boss. As Jenny leaves, Carmen takes a stand. She looks at Shane and says, with tears in her eyes, "She can kiss your ass? You know something? You've been getting away with this shit for far too long. I don't know what that poor, ass-kissing woman did to piss you off. Maybe you were walking down the street one day and she smiled at you too sweetly by accident, or bought you a gift to let you know you're kinda special to her or just maybe...maybe she really liked you. I think that that's something that you just don't know how to handle right now. And uh...and I also think that we sweet simple folk will not go around kissing your ass forever." Carmen blinks back tears, looks at Shane for a moment, then walks off. Shane turns towards the couch with a tortured look. Come on, Shane. Yeah, falling in love is scary. You may get your heart broken. But you have to take a chance, man! You might miss out on the best thing that ever happened to you!

Mark's looking over Shane video when he receives a phone call from someone looking for Shane. Then the call segues into someone who is obviously ODing on X and Mark's off to rescue them. Not sure about this as I listened to the dialogue two or three times and it still didn't make sense. Regardless, Mark goes down to this place where Shane is getting the crap beat out of her by two guys. He intervenes, and gets Shane, who is a bloody mess, then tells her she's all right because he's got her now. White Knight to the rescue. Sheesh!

We finally discover the unknown writer in the beginning sequence. It's Hunter, the teacher's pet. Dude, your writing is worse than Jenny! Hunter reads the story about Madelaine, Henri, and Jasmine. Jenny critiques him pretty harshly. After class, Charlotte Birch tells Jenny it was unnecessary, then tells her she has another assignment for her. She gives her the phone number of an old 80's action star who is writing his memoirs and needs help. Birch tells Jenny that she told him Jenny was her most gifted student. Egad! What?! Please!

Bette heads home to find some woman selling meat door-to-door. She offers Bette a free package of steaks, then offers to come over and cook them for her. What? Does Bette have a big "I'm desperate, single, and want sex with strangers" tattooed on her forehead? Bette takes them, looks at the woman strangely, then goes into her house. As she listens to her messages, there's one from Tina: "Bette, it's Tina. I know we're getting together next Wednesday, but I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about our baby. We conceived of this baby together and you should absolutely be part of her life." Bette smiles, then opens a big box that had been sitting outside her door. She reaches in and pulls out a beautiful mobile made by the artist, Leigh Ostin, and says "I think she'll like this" as the screen fades to black.

In all, Luminous was a rather good episode. We got to see some great acting by Sarah Shahi (Carmen) and we definitely know Shane is getting ready to crash and burn. Previews for next week show Shane at a breaking point. Bette and Tina appear to be on a course for at least being civil to one another, and Dana and Alice are happy for the moment. Of course, that won't last for long as that doesn't make good drama as we know. Previews for next week show Lara Perkins making a reappearance. If you're not familiar with Lara, she was Dana's love interest in the first season, and their break-up was rather cloudy. Should be interesting.

Next Week on The L Word: Loyal
Next week on The L Word, Bette and Tina agree to forge a new relationship; Jenny loses a chance to ghost-write a macho TV star's autobiography because she's gay; Shane goes to church. Guest stars: Tony Goldwyn. From the previews on Showtime and the Web site, this looks to be an emotionally-charged episode. Don't miss The L Word, Sunday, April 10 at 10pm ET/PT.