random musings

Watching The L Word this season is sort of like being on a rollercoaster: sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. After last week's spectacular episode, Labyrinth, which saw Dana and Alice finally hook up, we return to a rather uneven story in episode six, Lagrimas de Oro, or rather "Tears of Gold."

This episode starts off with Kit having lunch with Benjamin Bradshaw, the self-help guru who has been helping her with The Planet. As expected, there's a budding romance coming out of this one as Benjamin tells her how lonely it gets on the road, how difficult it is to be away from his family. Of course, he attempts to be honorable and tells her he's "trying to do the right thing" shortly before he kisses her. Wonder if his wife knows how honorable he is?! Next thing you know, Kit and Benjamin are rolling around in his hotel room with some major heavy moaning going on. Don't know about you, but I'm a bit miffed that Kit could move on so quickly after Ivan!

It appears Tina has found an apartment as she and Alice are unpacking boxes, hanging "the only art that doesn't have anything to do with Bette or from Bette," says Tina, and all that jazz. [Editor's note: This paragraph contains song links, which will automatically launch the iTunes Music Store on your computer if you have the iTunes software installed. If you do not have iTunes, it will take you to a link to download the free PC/Mac music software. Just be forewarned.] As music blares in the background, sweet Alice shows her geeky side by playing air guitar to Pat Benatar's "Hit Me with Your Best Shot." Come on, Alice...we already heard you blaring "Hold Me Now" by the Thompson Twins a few weeks ago, so just come out of the geek closet already! We love ya no matter what! Tina doesn't do a bad air drummer either! As they bebop around the apartment, the Dragon Lady...uh...Helena Peabody comes walking in unannounced in her haute couture, saying she knocked but they must have not heard her over the cacophony. No offense to our sisters on the other side of the pond, but please, send this British bitch back to England with her fancy suits and $10 words! Personally, I don't find Pat Benatar's music to be jarring, a discordant sound, or filled with dissonance. (See, we American lesbians know big words, too!). Helena tells Tina she's put the money in the bank for Tina's organization, and that she'll see her at dinner on Thursday night. The best part of this scene is shown in the picture above: Alice pulling a "Psycho" moment with the hammer while Tina's back is turned as Helena leaves the room. You go, girl! I'll help you with the hammer if you want!

After Dragon Lady leaves, Alice grills Tina about her, asking if she's sleeping with Helena, to which Tina says she doesn't know if she's ready for that. Then she says Helena probably isn't interested in her with the way she looks, her pregnancy and all, to which Alice is like, "ha!" Methinks Dragon Lady is interested in anything with two legs and breasts.

Over at Jenny and Shane's place, they're eating breakfast and discussing Jenny's interest in Carmen while Mark listens to their conversation. He finally figures out that Jenny is talking about someone that Shane has had sex with before, and is totally jazzed by the fact he thinks they share sex partners. Shane sets the record straight with him, and then he hones in on Shane, asking how she does it, how she gets girls. She tells him a little. He interjects his method, which is major lame. One thing they seem to miss is Mark's observation of the fact that Shane only sleeps with the same girl no more than twice. If they had paid attention, they might have wondered how he came to have that information. Alas, they didn't and that means we're in for more hidden camera voyeurism by the scumbag.

Next we find Dana sitting at a cafe, waiting for Alice. When she arrives, Dana breaks into a big smile with those beautiful puppy dog eyes, asking Alice if they can go back to her place. Alice sits down and tells her, "Dana, I'm not going to do this with you...I'm not going to sneak around with you. I'm not going to be your secret lover, your backdoor woman." Dana looks stunned and tries to defend why she's staying with Tonya, but Alice tells her she wants Dana to break up with Tonya so they can be together. Dana says she can't do it because this tournament she's in was arranged by Tonya and all, so Alice gets up to leave. Dana panicks and begs Alice to come back, saying she'll do it after the tournament. She tells Al that she really, really wants to be with her, as she takes her hand and slips her foot up Alice's leg. That poor girl is in heat! Someone get a hose on her!

Over at Tina's new place, we find Bette dropping in for an unexpected visit (Bad move! Never drop in unexpectedly on the woman you jilted...especially when she's still pissed at you!). She tries to make nice with Tina, complimenting her and all, but Tina's having none of it, saying she really isn't in the mood for visitors and perhaps Bette should have called. Boy, she's not cutting Bette any slack at all! They begin to talk about the baby, and Tina starts getting defensive. Bette tells her that the baby is "their baby" since they used the sperm from Marcus Allenwood, Bette's friend, and that she was the one who found the sperm in the first place! She keeps saying how she wants to be a part of the baby's life, how she'll do whatever it takes, but Tina just become more and more angry, saying she just needs time to think. Poor Bette stands there, dejected, looking more lost than ever. At this point, you have to feel sorry for her. Cut her a break already, Tina!

Back at the ranch, it appears Shane and Jenny are having yet another party. Do these women ever work?! Carmen's in the refrigerator getting a beer as Shane sits at the table rolling a joint. Carmen stands there, chug-a-lugging a beer, while Shane calls her a tease. Next thing you know, there's some flirting, a quick kiss on the neck, a bit of spilt beer. Wouldn't you know, Jenny walks in and catches them in what appears to be a compromising situation, which it's not. I know this is supposed to be a sordid love triangle storyline, but Jenny's "woe is me" look just doesn't cut it. Please, we already had the Tim-Jenny-Marina love triangle. At least that had sizzle. Jenny and Carmen just don't have any heat, ladies! Jenny announces that Mark's crashing their party with the videocamera, so Shane goes in to shoo him away. He's asking incredibly crass questions, such as would you sleep with a stranger for a million bucks (gee, wasn't that a movie already?!), then he turns it into a friend for a million bucks, trying the Shane-Jenny-Carmen angle from breakfast. Shane climbs over into this new girl's lap, starts sucking face, to which a drunken Carmen doesn't react well. Unbeknownst to Carmen, he keeps the camera on her, seeing her reaction to Shane and this girl getting it on right in front of her. As happened the last few times Carmen witnessed Shane with someone else, she bolts from the room. Anyone with eyes in their head can see she's head-over-heels for Shane and even though Shane doesn't show it as much, the feeling is appearing to be mutual.

Next we find Bette at an art show when the Dragon Lady herself makes an appearance. Helena Peabody greets Bette, then drops a bombshell about a new consultant Bette will be working with at the CAC. Evidently, Franklin went behind Bette's back and hired someone to do fundraising since Bette lost the Peabody grant. Helena smirks in triumph at the look on Bette's face as Bette exits the show. She drives to Franklin's house, tells him off, then leaves in frustration. Upset, Bette calls Tina, telling her she needs someone to talk to. Tina agrees, so Bette pours out what happened. Tina sympathetically listens until Bette says, "...and you know who's responsible for this? Your buddy, Helena Peabody!" Tina tries to refute it, to which Bette jumps into attack mode. "Please tell me you're not sleeping with her, Tina! That woman will eat you alive! She's a vampire...a monster!" Tina calmly responds that she understands that Bette is in distress and she needed someone to talk to and that she is willing to listen, but she won't do this anymore. She tells Bette that she's trying to control her still and she won't do this...she won't talk to her about Helena Peabody," then click: Tina hangs up on her. Once again, Bette just doesn't know when to shut her mouth.

We have a quick bit with Dana and Tonya getting ready for the Heineken Slammin' Jammin' Celebrity tennis tournament that Tonya has arranged. Alice calls, asking if she's told her yet, Dana tells her not to pressure her, which Tonya overhears. Dana makes like it's her Mom, then they go merrily off to play tennis. Okay, on to the next one.

Over at Shane's house, where it still appears no one ever works, the doorbell rings and a cute little blonde delivery girl is there with flowers for Shane. She signs for the flowers, the delivery girl suggests putting them in water, then boldly follows her into the house. Hmm....when's the last time you got flowers from a hot little number who followed you into your house and helped you water 'em?! I wanna live where Shane and Jenny do! As expected, they end up in a heated clinch, fall to the couch, and get it on. Boy, I want flowers delivered like that! How about you?!

You knew we couldn't get through an episode without Jenny writing, and guess what? You're right! This time, we find Jenny has tracked down Charlotte Birch, her writing professor, at the gym. Could Jenny be anymore stalkerish? Charlotte critiques Jenny, then gives her an assignment: go the entire day without speaking a word, then write a story about it. God, why didn't she say go an entire episode without writing?! But that would be too easy.

We cut back to Shane's where Mark and Gomey are watching the replay of Shane having sex with the flower girl. Evidently, Mark got tired of waiting for things to happen, so he paid the flower girl to come on to Shane and have sex with her. Could this storyline get any more disgusting?! Gomey, of course, is getting off on the girl-on-girl action, but Mark zooms in to Shane's face. He's seen something that intrigues him in Shane, so he's determined to figure it out. Please, figure it out soon so they can boot you off the show!

Alice has decided to attend Dana's tennis tournament and made Shane come with her. Shane's okay with it until she realizes that why Alice is coming to the tournament: to make sure Dana breaks it off with Tonya. This Shane doesn't find cool and tells Alice as much, but Alice isn't in a receptive mode. They see Tonya coming out of a room and wait until she's gone, then Alice sneaks into Dana's room. They grab each other in a heated kiss, and Alice says she's not leaving until Dana breaks it off. Dana said she doesn't know what to say, and Alice says, "Just say 'hi, Tonya, you're a scary robot and I'm not going to marry you, but you can still be my manager.'" God, she comes up with some funny lines! Dana promises she'll do it at the end of the tournament, so they continue to kiss until Alice's phone goes off. That's the signal from Shane that Tonya is coming back! Only problem is, Alice didn't think about an exit strategy! They both act like the Keystone cops until Alice runs around the corner of the room, hidden out of the way. Tonya comes in, then Al jumps out with a tennis racket yelling "surprise!" Tonya thinks that Al's come to support Dana, which she thinks is very sweet, and as she turns her back to pour a drink, Dana keeps trying to slip her hand down Alice's shirt! While I want Alice and Dana together as much as anyone, Dana really is being wishy-washy about this whole thing and incredibly dishonest. How in the world could you stand there with your fianceé not even three feet away and try to fondle your new lover?! Ewww! Get a backbone, Dana. Choose one of them already! Quit trying to have your cake and eat it, too.

We find Carmen and Jenny walking after what appears to be a date they shared. Carmen tells Jenny that she'd like to go out with her again when she's "...a little bit more verbal...maybe. Is that cool with you?" Not cool wth us, but hey, you didn't ask. Obviously Jenny hasn't told her of her no-speaking assignment and has acted like a mute the entire time they were out. I believe Charlotte Birch told her to communicate in non-verbal ways, not to refrain from total communication. Think maybe she could have written a note to Carmen and told her why she wasn't speaking? And please, why would you want to go out with someone who doesn't say a word on your date? I'd be thinking Jenny was a real nutcase, which she is! Anyway, Carmen gently kisses Jenny and says goodbye. Which brings us to the painful part of the show: Jenny's writing. Aaarrrggghhh!

This time, the story is entitled "The Ringmaster" and stars Charlotte Birch as the ringmaster, Jenny as the Silent Ballerina, Carmen as the Beautiful Temptress (looking quite a bit by Padma, the Goddess of Fertility), and Shane as the Temptress Tamer. The Silent Ballerina is on the high-wire, sadly looking down on all the activity, as the Ringmaster belts out the typical, circus barker cry, adding "girlish boys and boyish girls" to her repertoire. The chant is all about freaks, the undesirable, the unwanted. As Jenny, the Silent Ballerina, watches Shane the Temptress Tamer approach Carmen, she silently falls to the ground. Now wasn't that enlightening?! I'm beyond trying to decipher Jenny's flashbacks. Yes, I know it alludes to Jenny's attitude about herself, her childhood, the way people view others different from themselves, prejudices, etc. But it's just not interesting enough to make me care.

Back at Mark's, we see him handing a videotape to the flower girl, Kelly, and telling her he won't use it if she says no. She tells him no, and stunned, he tries to explain to her that it's an important part of his documentary. She replies, what, "Lesbians Gone Wild?" Mark tries to explain he wants to find out what makes Shane tick, how she has this power over women. He says he has never seen a girl have that kind of effect on other girls and it intrigues him. Kelly tells him she doesn't want to hurt Shane, that she was really nice to her, and this really floors Mark. Even Kelly, a girl paid to have sex with Shane, seems to have fallen under her spell!

Back at the tennis tournament, we see faces going back and forth as Tonya, Shane, and Alice watch Dana play. Tonya notices that Melissa Rivers (playing herself) is out of water, so she hustles over to ingratiate herself. Alice turns to Shane and hands her a break-up script she has written for Dana since Dana's having trouble finding the words to say to Tonya. Shane starts reading, "Tonya, there's something I need to say to you and it isn't easy for me...especially since you've done so much for my career." She breaks off and tells Alice that it's karmically wrong and it will come back to her if she and Dana ends up together. This pisses Alice off, so she retorts, "All right. Yoda needs to give me some better advice here or Yoda needs to shut the fuck up!" Anyone who doesn't understand the Yoda reference needs to watch the first season, when Alice called Shane Yoda after she enlightened the group about today's man and his sperm.

Bette and Kit appear to be going to one of Benjamin Bradshaw's TOE seminars, as Kit gushes about how wonderful he is, how he "moves" on stage. Bette looks about to hurl, but signs in anyway. She's determined there's nothing she will gain from the seminar, but goes to appease Kit anyway. As Benjamin begins to speak about risk, how when you risk everything, you invariably stand to gain everything, Bette takes out a pen and writes down what he says.

The tennis tournament appears to be over and now it's crunch time. Dana and Alice stand outside the locker room, as Alice hands Dana the "script." Dana reads just a few lines and tells Alice that it's horrible and it's wrong, that she can't read it to Tonya. They argue a bit, Dana says she can't do it, but Alice tells her she believes in her, so Dana heads off to tell Tonya the sad news. Would you want to be with someone that you had to convince to break-up with their fianceé? Not me!

After the seminar, Bette meets Benjamin and she admits she got a little out of his lecture. He asks what part, and she says the risk analogy. Benjamin surmises it is because of Tina, that she wants to know how to get Tina back, to which Bette looks pretty ticked at Kit for telling. Benjamin tells her, "Go to Tina tonight. Pick flowers that you have picked yourself, not bought, and give them to Tina. Tell her that she holds all the cards." As expected, Bette disregards the idea, then chews Kit out for telling Bradshaw about her private life.

Back in the locker room, Dana and Tonya sit down to talk. They both state they have news for each other, but Tonya encourages Dana to go first. Dana gently begins to tell Tonya how wonderful she is, how Tonya was there for her during a time in her life when she was just coming out and finding herself. Emotional, she tells her that she will always be grateful for everything that Tonya has done, but that she also thinks that she confused gratitude for love and that if they got married, it would be the worst thing they could ever do. Tonya looks a tiny bit upset, but not as upset as someone would be that was receiving such devastating news. Hmm.....

Next thing you know, in walks Melissa Rivers, calling Tonya baby, asking if she's told her yet. Dana looks confused, then Tonya tells her that's what she wanted to tell her: she's in love with Melissa Rivers and was going to break it off (gosh, when did this happen? When she was retrieving bottled water for Rivers?!)! Dana looks shell-shocked! She asks Melissa Rivers if she's even gay and Rivers responds that it's not about that; she fell in love with Tonya the person. Tonya and Melissa play kissy-face, Dana looks extremely ill, then as Tonya and Melissa walk off, you hear Tonya say, "I can't wait to meet your mother!" Boy, talk about a twist! I didn't see that one coming at all and obviously, neither did Dana!

It's Thursday night and time for the big Peabody Foundation grant recipient dinner, of which Tina is a guest. Helena is holding court, pretty much ignoring Tina who is sitting far down this giant table. Helena gets up, and walks away from the table without so much as a glance at Tina. We cut to Tina's phone ringing. It's Helena, encouraging her to come out and play. Tina doesn't know what to say, and Helena says, "Never apologize, never explain, Tina." Well, that could possibly explain why Helena's single!

The next scene cuts to Bette, sitting outside her house by the pool, looking at the notes she took that afternoon. She walks over to her flowers and begins to cut them. She's evidently going to give Benjamin's advice a try and let Tina know she holds all the cards. Might as well. Nothing else is working for Bette.

Tina, in the meantime, has decided to join Helena and leaves the dinner. She finds Helena sitting beside the pool. Pouring on the charm (sleaze, if you ask me), Helena tells Tina how much she wants her, how she wanted her from the moment she saw her. Tina doesn't quite believe it, but Helena is quite persistent and starts taking off Tina's clothes. Now, I'm all for spontaneity, but unless I'm mistaken, this is a public hotel for god's sake! They're getting naked and making out at a public hotel, during a formal dinner of which Helena Peabody is the hostess! Yikes! It appears Tina has leaped over her earlier hesitation about not being ready to have sex with Helena as she and Helena find themselves in the pool, getting pretty hot and heavy.

Cut back to Bette, who is standing forlornly at Tina's door with the flowers. She knocks, but of course there is no answer. She calls Tina on her cell phone, but it just rings. Why? Because Tina and Helena are in the pool having hot and heavy sex! Next shot we see is the flowers that Bette picked for Tina, lying on the doorstep with a note that says, "You hold all the cards." God, it just breaks your heart!

And last, but not least, we end with Shane sitting in the backseat of a car, returning from the tennis tournament with Dana and Alice. Dana looks shell-shocked, while Alice just looks ill. Obviously, the whole "Dana dumping Tonya for Alice" fiasco has backfired in their faces! Shane looks from one to the other, and back again, and begins to laugh. She was right when she warned Alice about trying to manipulate the situation: Karma will come back and kick you in the butt every single time you do something that's wrong! And boy, did it!

Overall, Lagrimas de Oro wasn't a bad episode. It had quite a few funny moments, and more than a few twists. On a scale of 1 to 10, it would be about a 6. Not great, but not that bad either. I do have to comment on the music for just a moment. Music plays a great part in any production, whether it be a television show, movie, or play. This season, I personally think the music is pathetic. I'm not sure what the producers were thinking, but give us something we can connect with! The first season music was strong, haunting, passionate! It resonated with us. This year, I find myself wondering if my satellite is messing up by the odd twirps and scratches coming from the speakers, only to find it's the musical soundtrack. Please, fix the intro and fix the music for next season!

Next on The L Word
Alice and Dana tentatively begin dating, while Tina comes between Helena and her ex, Bette rejoins the singles scene, and Shane dulls her pain over Jenny and Carmen. Guest stars Sandra Bernhard and Camryn Manheim reprise their roles as Professor Charlotte Birch and Hollywood producer, Veronica Bloom.

More Updates on the Way!
Don't forget to check out the rest of OutLook for more book and movie updates, the latest on the movie, D.E.B.S, and more! We are also introducing an amazing new artist, Dyana Jean, in our Gallery section, so don't miss that either! Oh, and we would like to congratulate Comella D. who was the winner of our iTunes $10 gift certificate. She provided the correct answer to our frog brain teaser listed in our very first blog. The answer: 48 days. Congratulations, Comella! Check back soon as we'll have another brain teaser for you shortly. Until then, remember: You play, you win. You play, you lose. You PLAY!